I'm Back!

Yes, so I took a mini-vacation from horses. Maybe the past 2 weeks or so, I got really into soccer and started playing and thinking to myself that I wanted to be a soccer star. Well, after this amount of time practicing, my determination ebbed and I realized I have mostly abandoned my poor horse. :(  So it's about time to get back to him. Found out I can't handle 2 passions at once. But that's ok, I was just kidding myself with the soccer thing, it's alright.

So, anyways, went out with Moose today, and things went pretty well. Haltered him up and tried to get him to go over the bridge with me sending him on, and he got really wired up and NOT on the bridge. So I had to convince him to get on, and then we left to go practice our sideways over an obstacle. He still doesn't quite know where his feet are here so this was useful. We mostly focused on these 2 obstacles. Eventually, he went right over the bridge like a champ and I rewarded him heavily when he stepped over the log. He was very extroverted today, but I think we really connected nicely.

The reason I wanted to mention this session is because, other than the fact it's our first play time in a while, I had a realization. When I play with Moose, I'm torn between taking what he tells me deeply and simply as behavior. It's like a stitch in my side, I never quite know what to do wiht it. One day, if he does something silly, I'll for sure say "oh, well my energy must be off" or something but then the next day, I would react with, I dunno, say shutting him down or something. My perspective changes too often, I never know what to think. My head is filled with ideas of horses as sensitive intelligent beings (thanks to Linda Kohanov's book mostly), so I try to remain very aware of that sort of thing. But then that clashes with my Parelli side, which says "if this behavior, then this is how I respond." Now, obviously not in that mechanical of terms, but do you get what I mean? Do I take everything at face value, or assume everything has some deeper meaning? I've been struggling with this question for some time now. It just dawned on me today how confusing that must be for Moose.

Also, I have to admit I feel a bit stuck. Like I'm not sure quite what the next thing I should be doing in our journey with him is. He knows his ABCs but I don't know what else to teach him, really. Not sure how to refine what we've got into something more. Think I've got me some DVDs to watch. :)

But other than that, all's well. I'm still trying to find a job. Only 6 months to save up for this summer! So hopefully I will find one soon.

My Plea to God

"They say bad things happen in threes. . . .


So, please, let my horse have his one good leg!!!"

Not so Super October

The month really hasn't been that bad, I've had a few disappointments and a few very happy moments but today wasn't so great.

On the happy side, yesterday, for the first time ever I rode Moose out of the pasture. And GOD I am not doing that again!!! Haha, I was riding completely bareback and yeoww does his back hurt. He did pretty good though. If he would've walked slower, and at the end he started arguing, then it would've been better, but overall very successful.

I also have impressed myself with my lateral thinking skills recently. I realized why Moose always wants to take me into the stalls while riding(which for safety's sake, he can't, I don't fit under the doorway). I always just attributed it to him being sassy, but as Jessie put this summer, "I've realized he's not arguing. It's just communication!" Funny enough, I never took her seriously at that time. I understood the power of that revelation, but for whatever reason thought it didn't apply to me and Moose! How's that for ego, eh? But yeah, this made me understand it and really apply that. Moose wasn't going into the stalls just because they're comfortable for him, he was going there because I've programmed him to go there. Whenever the session ends, I let him go, and walk to the stalls to put our equipment away. So to him, stalls = end of session. He was just trying to get me off his back. Though, I would much rather he liked me on his back, it is good feedback to know he has a point.

The other lateral thinking thing I've realized is that part of our dominance issues are present on the ground. They are WAY more subtler on the ground, which is why I have trouble, but they're still there. For example, when I let him graze, he walks around wherever he wants and and gets me out of Z2. So when I'm leading him out of the pasture, he thinks he can do the same thing and wlak with me in Z5. Well, confidence is not an issue, so while this is wonderful, it throws his respect for me out the window. So something else to think about.

But yes, so today, we played for quite a while. I played with Bella's saddle as it seems to fit him much better, but unfortunately found out today that wasn't quite what it was made out to be. It slides around horribly, and tips me way forwards. Wasn't quite the nice ride I had intended. But I did get after him about backing up when I go to get on him. 4x I was very firm with him about it, and he licked his lips after every time, so that was definitely a LB issue.

And we did a lot of walk/trot transitions with the saddle on. It went ok. But then I was going to ride so I wanted to know if he could handle a lot of energy so I sent him hard and he bucked in the canter as usual. :( This's going to require some long-term work to fix for sure.

But then when I was riding in the horrible saddle as I said above, I asked him to move his HQ and he just braces against me and doesn't move. So I tapped him on the HQ with the CS, and he leaped forward. I got into the fetal position (which doesn't make me happy to recount), but continued tapping him so we went in a circle. Then I kept ahold of his head so he did lateral flexion. I tried going sideways next (we were against a fence, btw) and asked him to move his HQ again and this time he stuck his head out and made no move to give at all so again I tapped him on the butt, but this time he just ignored it and continued walking so we were out of control basically. I stopped him, but I forget how. Then I just had him sit there as I was being a scared predator so I got off. A scared predator is as bad as an angry predator and I was feeling both at this point.

So, in essence, besides the little things I learned today, I learned 3 main points.

1. I need to be a better leader under saddle. Now, I normally do my little "eek I'm scared, get off!" thing but that isn't working anymore. (Now if it was an emergency, sure, that's an excellent strategy don't get me wrong, but I'm not gaining his respect by taking the easy way out. I'm losing respect. ) So, instead of just quitting, or fighting with him, my other normal response, I have to take the third option. Be the better man. I have to get above him. Basically, I have to not fight with him. If he wants to act like a crazy idiot, I have to allow that and say "great idea! Now let's go!" Because plain and simple, when I ride him, I am not in control. And until he is willing to be a good little obedient horse, I have to go with his idea. That's how I gain the respect. I don't fight but I don't give up either. 
2. The following 2 are really emotional puzzle pieces about me. I found out I don't like rules. I already knew this, but Moose showed me in no uncertain terms with his under saddle behavior. I don't set rules for him. Some horse people out there are very firm, they run things their way, and the horses know that and respect that. They may not like it, but these people aren't always concerned about them liking it. Now, I have a person I'm thinking of that does this, and by the sound of it she's a wonderful horsewoman, don't get me wrong, this isn't necessarily a bad thing. But I don't set rules like that. I don't raise my expectations and then hold him to those. I look out for my horse too much. It's seriously to the point where I'm having to babysit him through riding. I ask him a geometry question. He doesn't understand. So I go back to algebra. He still doesn't understand. So I go back to pre-algebra and am having to re-explain something to him that he should know. And this happens way too frequently. Moose, you already know how to yield your HQ, now I should NOT have to keep reminding you this way. And the fighting too but that will come with the above strategy.

I rarely ever get mad at him. Reading this, you're probably like "huh? Isn't that a good thing?" But I don't mean mad as in hate, or spite. I mean good anger. Like if someone steps over your personal boundaries, you need to assert your space. Ok, not anger then, blame. I don't blame him. I never do. It's never Moose's fault. And this makes everything my fault, so he can get away with anything. While this is a good trait in a way, it hasn't been working towards me recently.

Goin with the Flow

Moose and I made huge strides the past few days. Yesterday I tried Bella's saddle on him and when I cinched it up he blew out. That was incredible. And he normally bucks whenever I cinch him up and I ask him to canter, and today he did like normal, but he didn't pull me, just bucked around in a circle and then stopped to eat. I was super impressed. And then when I sent him the other direction, he cantered perfectly. And we rode for probably an hour today. We went all over our property, across the street, and just around part of the neighborhood really. It was excellent. No brace in me indeed.

Holistic Horse Fair

First off, on a side note, I'd like to mention I no longer have a job playing with horses. End of story. So I am once again looking for a  new job.

But secondly, onto the Horse Fair! It was fabulous, I had a great time. It was in Madison at the Horse First Farm this Saturday and Sunday and was all about alternative therapies or ideas for horses and was very nice. I went to a seminar by Wendy Wolfe about animal communication, one by Beth Peterson on equine guided coaching, and a Parelli demonstration. We had to leave early, but I still had a great time.

It was so refreshing to see everything Parelli. I never thought about it before, but it was just very peaceful and everything felt relaxed and easy. The atmosphere was one entirely "for the horse." It was very neat. Made me want to go there more often.

And I met Michelle Manshardt, a 2* PP. I was very impressed with both her and Linda, the other 2* there, but Michelle's easy manner of being made the most impact. I really got a positive vibe off both of them. And they are desperately looking for people to work there right now, so maybe I could arrange to spend some time there or something of the like. It would be a lot closer than Farrah's, that's for sure. Only downside is I don't know if they offer a working student position right now, that's why I've got to talk to Michelle!

But overall, a great time was had by all. I learned quite a bit new tips, and met some very nice people. Can't wait to go back!

2nd Day on the Job

So I got to play at Folkman's for 2.5 hours today. It went spectacular.

Played with Star first. Oh goodness she's a complicated horse. But rather than get stuck just thinking about her, which would so be something I would do, I'm going to attempt to stay in the moment. Star seems so complicated because as soon as you think she's LB and finally calmed down she goes RB again. But, that being said, I'm just going to ignore it for now and teach her like I normally would. So, I started off playing with the figure-8. Star is a RBE, so I thought this would help her focus. Well, I figured out she really understands the HQ disengagement, but her go cue is quite sticky. And she still doesn't really trust the CS. This made things a bit difficult, because I really can't start making demands of her until she believes the stick won't hurt her. Neither Lily nor Star will tolerate the Savvy String being thrown over them more than once.

But anyways, so we did the figure-8 and she looked pretty calm so I brought her in. Then, I thought of more patterns to do with her, and settled on the simplest, the game of Touch It. Star is a pro at this game. She understands it, she gets it, and it calms her down. She can be confident at this, after all, it's easy! So this was really nice to see, and it really helped her focus and relax. One thing I tried to be particular about was that she stand a little ways away from me while we moved. This would eventually lead to me in Z3 playing Z3 driving, and Star's going to need a lot of this to build confidence, so the sooner we start the better. After I was done playing with Star, she got to stand tied for a while to help her not be worried about being away from her buddies.

Then it was the lovely Lily's turn. I didn't really do much with her last time I played because my brain was going to mush by that point from playing with so many horses lol. Too much thinking! But it is quite obvious Lily is a much calmer horse than Star. Actually, it was funny, I realized Lily was doing one of the things Farrah talked about before, she was choosing to be RB. She'd go snort at things and go "I'm really nervous!" but it was all an act. We also started out with the figure-8 and got one nice half lap and quit. Then we went to Touch It, too, but it didn't help Lily near as much as Star because she didn't need the help. She wasn't as interested in the obstacles, but she did stand on the pedestal, so I think she's done that before. Then, I went to playing with our Circling Game. We had a 22 to work with, so Lily had lots of room, and I was being particular about the direction that I sent her in. Once she got the direction down, my goal was 2 laps of walk/trot. Her pattern was to stop about every half/quarter of a lap, and she probably did that at least 20 times before I got a full lap out of her. Very funny horse. I'm like "yeah, you're SOOO RB." :) She really is a sweetie though. Then I sent her the other direction and she did a whole lap, no questions asked. What a good pony!

So then I decided to do some mounting practice. I've no idea if she's ever been ridden bareback before, so I played it safe and did a lot of approach and retreat. I slid all over her and made sure she could tolerate me up there ok. She didn't mind. Once I corrected her for moving off on me, she was fine. I tried asking her to move forward to see what she'd think about that and she walked over to some grass to eat lol. She really just wanted to spin around though. She didn't know what to do really with a person up on her back. I was riding one rein and in a halter though, too, so I imagine that was kind of new. I think we're going to focus on following the rail as our pattern, I just have to get that good on the ground first. Because I'm really learning with these guys exactly how much ground skills relate to riding skills. They're essential with these guys. Great day though!

And we're into the Odd Digits . . . Oh Ignore me, I'm tired.

Yes, so our sessions have been brilliant. With the methods I've been talking about, using grain and such, Moose gave me a lap and a half of circling tonight. It was pretty nice too. And I took him for a walk down the road today. . . Think we're gonna start trail riding pretty soon. . . Very exciting!

Liberty!

Yeah so I think I mentioned I've been playing with Moose's canter recently. Well, he knows that if he canters, he gets grain, and grain is a HUGE motivator to him. I brought the grain bucket outside today and sat down on the bridge with is so I could shoe him away from it, and he starting doing laps at the walk around us. This is normal behavior for him, since he's an impatient horse, but hey, I had an idea: liberty circles! And Moose was all for it! I got walk, trot, canter to the right and left 2x each. The third time I sent him he kept trying to change direction on me but he was still terrific. That says so much to me that he actually understands the Circling Game now. Without the grain I highly doubt he would have been as motivated to stick close, but it is still an amazing start. :) What a cool guy!

My Grand Adventure

And I thought I should let you know Bella is no longer here. We sold her to a fellow Parelli student in the area and she is doing much better already. After having owned her for about 2 years and not riding much at all, her new owner rode her the 5th day she got her. We're very excited for them.

And I had an incredible horse-filled day today. Started out at 9 this morning playing with Queen. She's a LBE beautiful QH, about 15.2ish hands, 9 years old. I actually found her when I was looking for a place to possibly board Moose for the winter, and they told me she was for sale and I just loved her from looking at her. She's incredibly gorgeous. And Parelli-trained too. :) She was soooooo light it was amazing. You used your legs and the reins to turn her, but the legs were like inside your skin. Like I thought, "let's turn right," and did the motions inside my skin for turning as I wanted and she would follow right along. It was absolutely phenomenal. She blew my mind. The only thing Queen was working on was cantering. I surprised myself, I actually felt confident enough to canter on her, even though they said it needed work. Wasn't terrible though. I now feel an itch to canter on Moose! I haven't had the confidence to canter in a long time.

So I will admit I am now trying to figure out if there is any possible way I could fit another horse into my life. I am planning on going back to Farrah's for the summer but hauling 2 horses would be doubly expensive and leaving Queen here by herself for the summer with no handling would be unfair to both my parents taking care of her and Queen. And I have no money with which to pay them. If they were willing to just give her away, then Moose could stay here and have a buddy but then if she had any vet bills I wouldn't have the money to pay for them because I'd have to buy hay. So as you can see it's all a huge mess but I'm thinking on it. There is another person going to see her tomorrow, so if she sells she sells I guess. I'd be kind of bummed, but I know at this point it's not feasible to take on another horse. Just doesn't help me from wishing I could. :) More to come on her though if I think of something. Because I am thinking. . . believe me.

Also thought I should update everyone, I actually have a job now playing with horses!!!!! I'm very thrilled, getting paid for what you want to make a career out of is certainly fulfilling. So I went over there today and played with 3 of their horses: if you remember Star, from long ago, I actually got to play with her today.

Things went much better than last time, I was able to rub her all over with the carrot stick and throw it over her back a little. She got VERY worried about her friens though. Right when I took her out of the pasture I had to do some major RB pattern interrupts, and then she calmed down. I spent a lot of time on Friendly, and also tried some Porcupine and a little bit of Driving. Star was starting to get really LB and actually more pushy than scared, but then I think the horses in the pasture got too far away or something and she went off the walls again. So it was kind of a bummer. I had her at a good spot, but we lost it. It's ok though. I was actually having a lot of trouble teaching her because all she wants to do is crowd you. And I was trying to get her confidence up with the carrot stick, but while maintaining some semblance of safety and teaching her. And having her so RB was not really helping. But I definitely learned more for next time. Since it rained this morning we couldn't really use the arena so that was a hindrance but also we're going to be playing on a 22 promptly next time. This pony needs the room. She can go have her RB freak-outs over there.

Also, got to play with Lily. She was more of an introvert, but she seemed as inexperienced as Star. The only difference was Lily wanted to do nothing but eat. I was trying to teach her Porcupine and do some Friendly, and it was pretty humorous, she'd bring her head up in time to be worried or move and then dive back down again. So we're going to install a head down cue pretty quick. ;)

Lastly, I played with Dazzle today too. Dazzle was the horse you ride when you're ponying one of the more greener horses, so she kind of knew the deal. Well I was told she was pretty good at Liberty stuff, so I turned her loose in the round pen. I guess they had a different concept of Liberty than I did because she didn't really know any of the games. She knew Stick To Me walk and trot, but that's about it. And that was after playing the Catching Game once or twice.

But the really really neat thing about Dazzle is the way she rides. Oh was it magnificent! It was so incredibly similar to Queen I could've cried! (jk jk) But I felt so spoiled, 2 rides on incredibly amazing horses in one day. . . how lucky am I? Before today, I have never ridden any horses as well-trained in riding as these two were. Queen was actually the favorite because Dazzle didn't stop as lightly and it took a bit to get her to go whereas Queen was very light in everything. But it was just excellent, I felt very safe on her and she didn't worry me one bit.

And then once I got home, I headed to a stable down the road to watch my friend ride her horse for a Pony Club event. I was too late though, I arrived just in time for the last ride, but I got to see her mom ride. It went pretty well, they were going eventing and I've never watched that in person before. The horses were all very very pretty and seemed content with life.

Then I actually returned home and played with Moose. He did so excellent I can't even say. It was quite a nice break to play with an advanced horse, one that is familiar with me. The youngsters can be quite challenging on how to get a communication system set up, so I was doubly thankful for Moose. But it was getting kind of late so rather than ride like I had intended I just played with cantering. We've been practicing cantering on the Circling Game for a little while now as I want to start developing some cantering things on the ground, like Stick to Me and eventually Z5 driving. Well, Moose was very connected to me tonight. He did all his gaits with slack in the rope, his trot seemed really nice and even and not racy. It looked balanced! So I asked him to canter out of it and he did do some playful head shaking and kicking a once or twice but he knew what I was asking for so this time instead of changing direction to help him I wanted to see if he could figure it out. And he did! I got about HALF A LAP of cantering each direction. I was so thrilled!!! Before I had only been asking for 3-5 strides and then I immediately brought him in. He excelled that in leaps and bounds tonight. It was fantastic.

Overall, super cool day today. Seriously horse-filled. And I also realized how much more savvy I have  riding now than I had before I went to Farrah's. The change is astounding. My confidence level has increased quite a lot. When I first arrived at Farrah's, I was afraid to trot on Moose bareback. By the end of my time, it was no problem. I still didn't think (and don't currently) that I'm that good of a rider, but I had enough confidence to ask for the trot. Apparently, that has also translated to other horses which makes me very excited. I'm getting more savvy! Yahoo!

Learning About Myself

Well, I'm obviously home from my trip. Didn't exactly update much, but yeah. Got home last Friday, and it was absolutely terrific. Farrah is looking for more interns, so don't hesitate to contact her if you're interested. I'm planning on going back the summer of 2011, so if you're going then you'll probably see me there.

But, as to the title of this post, anyone who reads this frequently should know that I think a lot. Sometimes too much. And sometimes much to my own peril. But I am learning things about myself I did not really consider before.

1 thing in particular. One is actually due in part to my South Dakota adventures. There was a girl (we'll call her Q) interning with me who I really liked and got along with pretty well. The only problem I had was whenever I would try to explain something, I could never communicate properly with her. She would end up doing whatever I had told her backwards, if at all. And it got me to thinking, as only a Parelli student would, "how can I better communicate with her?" Well, I haven't completely got the answer yet, but I did become more conscious of what I was doing. I was assuming that she knew everything that I knew. Hehe. . . . oops. This is one of my common complaints about teachers, and I was accidentally doing it! She arrived a week after me, so I had a week to acquaint myself with the facilities and the horses and the routine of the place that she did not have. It was neither fair nor realistic to expect her to know the place as well as I did.

I know, I'm Horrible. But I'm still here . . . . Honest!

Been here 3 weeks and still no updates. Very sorry guys. I do check the blog every day, I seriously do, I just don't feel this inkling to write so haven't for a while. I've things written down in my journal, so there are many things to share though, so don't worry you'll still get some information.

So, ok, as far as things I've learned. Moose is a lot more extroverted than I thought. He is very clear, when I say "hey Moose, can we do this?" He goes "no." And he'll tell you VERY clearly, "no." That's more of an extroverted reaction. As a specific example, I'll ask him to turn to the left and he'll go right. It's an obedience issue, and according to Linda's horsenality information, that means he's actually being LBE. Wow, huh? I had him pegged as an introvert.

And so along with him being more extroverted, we had (kind of have) major steering issues. So it is being dominant, he goes no, my idea is better than yours. And so the appropriate strategy with this is "great idea, let's go!" and do more than he wants to do. Well, I realize I've been saying no to him a lot, but our riding has been greatly improving. We've been given the task (since I got here now, think, been here 3 weeks) of riding a circle around an object and this time I got on, we rode 1 circle at the walk without any steerin mishaps or goofing off or anything so I jumped off right away and ended it. That was fantastic. This was yesterday too, so we'll see how today goes.

And hmmm, what else? Well, as I announced before we passed our level 2, so are now officially playing in Level 3 On Line. Also, our freestyle is in Level 2. I'm very impressed because I've dreamed for a long time of the day I'm in Level 3, and now that it's here it's interesting to compare, because I don't feel like I know more. Moose still does things, and I still get frustrated, and I still look at him going "wow, I don't know what to do about that!" so nothing has really really changed in that point. It's just what we can do. We can do all these wonderful things that we couldn't do before, and our relationship has grown. That's the biggest thing. I'm still me and he's still him. We're working towards harmony, we've just moved up a rung on the ladder. Doesn't mean I'm suddenly a horse expert like I thought it would.

Also, gosh, what else to mention? I got to go to the Sioux Empire Fair. Watched my first beauty pageant, and I saw Miss South Dakota. Have eaten out the most in my life: 8x in 2 weeks. Have a lovely farmer's tan going on right now. Used clippers for my first time on a dog. Watched the maintenance guy rope chairs out of a pool ;) (soooo hilarious). Learning to trim feet. Saw what a South Dakota storm can do. Had horses stay here on their way to the Canadian Nationals. Went to a lake house in Minnesota. Ate a $9 burger. Saw the barn's Down's Syndrome daughter win Walk/Trot in honor of her horse that died last year a week before the Sioux Empire Fair. Went swimming a lot. Played with horses a lot. Done stalls a lot. Slept. Met new people. Oh, got my palm read. Had a bull whip cracking party until 11 at night ;). Cleaned the barn. Chased madly after a loose dachshund. Chased after 2 loose horses. Walked a lot of dogs. Attempted to make friends with the barn's dog Lucy who has been abused before she came here and is now not a fan of people.

So lots of new experiences. I've also learned I slouch when riding. I learned the power of passive persistance. I learned more about where the weight is on your horse, and why the change of direction is so powerful. Along with that, I learned the reason dressage has so many lateral maneuvers in it. I learned that every horse is an individual and needs to be treated as such. I learned that Moose is very weak, which is the reason he pulls on the rope when he canters on line. I learned how to fix that. I learned how to make progress basically.

I think that's mainly what it's come down to, is I've learned how to make progress again. I found out from being here that Moose and I are so much further than I thought we were, because we've been pushed to go further. Before I could just play in my comfort zone and do the same thing over and over again and no wonder we never went anywhere! I thought we were. I'd come inside going "guess how many laps we got today!" And it seemed like progress, but then I'd move onto something else and stop counting laps so we'd be right back where we started when I tried counting laps again. So, while here, we've tried new things. We've done the flank rope, we've done Zone 5 driving. Basically, we've really expanded into things I would never have thought of doing. It's kind of been like a 3 week clinic with Farrah, it's really been excellent. I think her forward thinking mind is very interesting.

Got a quick story. We were all outside playing with our horses, and one of the interns picked out a little mini to play with. One of the things Farrah told her was to see if she could sit on him, lay on him, just kind of be over him and things like that. So, I'm here playing with my horse and I hear a thud. Look over, and she's laying on the ground. She got bucked off! Since it was a mini, she was totally fine, but so she thought she couldn't go any further because she couldn't get on. Farrah goes, "well, see if you can put a barrel on him then". It's just contagious, I don't know how to explain it but I love it. She sees forward openings in everything. I told her about Bella and how she's pretty green and complicated and I want to help her riding but I'm not confident enough and she goes "Well, you can sit on her, can't you?" I go "yeah..." "Then go do that." Well, duh! If that's not obvious! I just love the way she thinks like that, because my brain goes "well, plan A failed, I'm stuck" and it doesn't have to be like that. There's always something else that you can do, something you can try, some way forward. Was watching the Savvy Club Circling DVD and in the Finesse portion Lauren Barwick is riding May Lee and talking about her ride on a voice over, and she mentions that her horse felt kind of stiff that day, but she wanted to do a pirouette. Well, she tried it but she didn't work, so instead of getting frustrated or mad or anything she said, "well, I KNOW we can do a walk pirouette" so she did that instead and then they both got what they wanted. It's a compromise.

Farrah had to teach me a concept to help me with Moose. She told me a story. "Ok, so let's say you and me are best friends. Really best friends. And say I want to go watch a movie, and you want to go play volleyball. Well, it's the first day, so you give in and say ok, we can go watch a movie. Then the next day, the same situation arises. You want to play volleyball, but I want to go watch a movie. Well, now we compromise and watch a movie about volleyball. Then, the next day maybe we go play volleyball for 5 minutes, and then go watch a movie. That's kind of the idea. You get to where you're so excited for those 5 minutes of volleyball and so pumped up so that I (AKA your horse) eventually start to like playing volleyball. Even if volleyball happens to be doing circles, or something really boring." And that's what I have to do with Moose is compromise. Because, see, he thinks his ideas are great. He wants to watch a movie, he loves movies, it's his most favorite thing in the world, and why would he think about playing volleyball? That's where we have to compromise, and I have to learn to cause my idea to become his idea.

Another week, possibly 2 actually, and I'll be headed home. It's been such a blast so far. Sometime I hope to bring my journal down here and type up some of the relevant notes i have written in there. Dunno if I'll actually get to it or not though.

Thanks Farrah!

Yee Haw!!!

Totally just passed my level 2 On Line!!!!! YES!!!!! Very exciting, I'm grinning from ear to ear. Yay!!!

Takin Off

The time has finally come, we're headin to Farrah's. Not sure how much I'll be able to post once I'm there but if it's anything super significant I'll attempt to. Wish us luck!

Guess What Guys?

I rode Moose for the first time with a saddle yesterday!!! I'm proud. He didn't do anything stupid at all. We just walked. I tried directing him and we did some HQ yields. It went over really well.

And I had a realization that the bucking isn't his fault. It's mine. It's his way of showing me he still doesn't trust me. So I had a very how interesting moment. Yay progress!

Operation Horses

I've been getting Moosey prepped for riding recently. It's been going pretty well, but I'm a little finicky about saddle fit. I'm afraid to mess up because I think he'll buck. We had a day last week where he bucked all over the place. Good thing I've got a long rope. :) But I'm thinking I might try riding with a saddle on soon. Maybe within a week or two. We'll see though I don't want to push this.

Today was also quite the day. Bella kept getting attacked by giant (seriously giant) horse flies - one of them got me too - and so I got to watch her run and Moose run laps around the pasture today. Luckily, that was AFTER I snatched her halter and quick unbuckled the rope to let her run. And AFTER I decided she looked really tense and I decided I should probably do something. And that was AFTER Moose started bucking really bucking high because of either A) Fly or B) The fact that his girlfriend was outside the pasture. So, yeah. Lovely day. Needless to say I apologized to them both after that. Moose doesn't hate me though, so I think it might've been just a fly.

And speaking of Moose, he walked to me the other day. I was pretty happy with that. Quite a few steps too and he said hi. I was like sweet. Cool bud.

And I'm thinking of filming our level 1 in the next few days. We'll see how that goes. I still would rather just film our Level 2 but then that means we'd be working on Level 3 on the ground (YIKES) and we're not ready for that yet. Our patterns still need work. I think I need to get to be a better leader to show what I want. I have a feeling Moose's going to get a discussion from Farrah, so I think I should prepare him a little better. Just that feels hard to do with this friendship I have going on with him. And I don't want to ruin that.

Guess I got some more thinking to do then. As if that's hard for us intellectual people.

Happy Birthday to me!
Happy Birthday to me!
Another year of blogiiiiiing
Happy Birthday to me!

A Story

The hours drip by like paint, dousing the tiny trailer which is practically falling apart with a sense of wisdom beyond its years. A man chewing gum with a golf cap on is familiar to that feeling. He has a sweaty horse called Moose on a lead rope. His eyes are about wrinkled shut with age, but his smiling face gives away his mood. He stands to the left of the trailer, and puts a feel on Moose's lead rope, urging him to come forward. Moose locks his feet and his eyes go wide and starry. There was no way that 2 legged thing was going to get him on that cage on wheels. The man shrugs and keeps the feel on. 2 minutes pass. 4. Then 7. At 10, he gracefully, while keeping the feel precisely the same, sinks down onto the trailer bumper feeling content to wait there all day. At 20 minutes, Moose's eyes soften, and the man releases the feel instantly. Moose just stands there, not even noticing. The man sits still for a moment, his breath the only sound in the air for a moment while the onlookers wait patiently. He then climbs to his feet, and walks to Moose, who tenses up at his approach. The man looks him in the eye, bends down and breathes into the horse's nostrils. Moose stands still as a statue. Then, the man asks for a chair. An audience member hands him one noiselessly. He drags it back to the trailer, dropping Moose's lead rope and letting him stand where he is.

He begins to whisper, "What are you seeing right now?" His voice grinds over the words like a jagged saw cutting wood.

A girl raises her hand. The man nods at her. She yells, "I see-"

The man puts a finger to his lips, then points at the horse.

"Sorry," the girl apologizes. "I don't see anything."

The man nods, as if he hearing what he expected to hear. "Anyone else?" No one else raises their hands. The man stands, and walks to the edge of the little corral he was in. He ducks under deftly and shuffles away. The audience members are stunned. The girl runs up to him.

"Uh, sir. . ." she twirls her hair nervously.

The man looked down at his watch as if surprised to find he had it on. "Lunch break. Be back in an hour." The audience members raised their eyebrows as he hobbled to his truck and drove away. They decided to leave Moose just as he was, and everyone went back to their cars to get their lunches. It was already late in the afternoon.

An hour later, the man pulled back up and wandered right back into the pen. No announcement we're starting. No words to anyone. Apparently the only person he needed to talk to was a horse. Moose perked up at seeing him duck under the corral rail. His eyes were brighter and he took a half step towards the man. The man stopped instantly, and walked right back out. He turned his back to the horse and addresses the reconvening crowd. "Do you see the difference now?" He smiled as he jerked his thumb over his shoulder at the now-curious horse. The onlookers were puzzled. Just looked like a horse to them.

The man turned around slowly to see the horse staring right at him. He went into the corral, and walked up to the horse. The horse took a hesitant step back. The man did too. Then he stepped forward again, and the horse stepped back. The horse ended up backing all over the corral. One step at a time. With Moose still keeping him the same distance away. After this went on for some time, the man stepped forward, and Moose stayed where he was. The man extended out his hand toward the horse's nose. Moose lowered his face and sniffed his hand. The man smiled and walked out of the corral. "Bathroom break."

A half hour later, the trailer loading started up again. Moose had been moving freely in the interim, and had started to pace the fence. He was looking for the funny man who he was starting to trust. Just as he got worried the man wasn't coming back, he spotted him ambling towards him. In no time, the man reached him, and this time Moose relaxed as he stroked his face. He lowered his head, and cocked a leg. The man grabbed a rope from outside the ring. Moose ignored the fact that it looked like a snake, and allowed the man to slip it over his head. The man walked away and Moose followed with no hesitation. There was no drag on the rope. The man walked in a few circles and then walked right up to the trailer. Moose hesitated when he felt the man put a little feel in the rope, directing him in. The man released the pressure as he saw Moose's indecision. He walked over to him and pet him, convincing Moose again that this man understood him. The man shuffled to his spot at the left of the trailer and sat down on the bumper again. He slowly took the slack out of the rope, and Moose strode right into the trailer.

The man cracked a smile. The horse was barely small enough to fit in the lousy thing. Then, much to the amazement of the audience, the man proceeded to load and unload Moose for the next half hour until it got so good that if you put one finger under the rope and pointed he would jump in. Once the man got Moose to do that, he loaded Moose one last time and shut the doors.

He took off his golf cap to expose a balding head of salt and pepper hair. He held the cap over his chest. "Any questions?" he coughed. The onlookers were stunned beyond words. They simply started at him. "Thanks for having me then." He shrugged the cap back onto his head and moseyed back to his own truck. He fired up the engine, and drove down the gravel driveway.

"Wait!" a girl yelled, running after him furiously. The man didn't stop. She screamed "WAIT!!!!" The truck puttered to a stop. Almost out of breath, the girl skipped over to the driver's seat. The man rolled down the window.
"Did I forget something?"
"Yeah," she panted. "You did. I have something to tell you."
"What might that be?" His eyes crinkled.
The girl turned to indicate the whole audience with her arms. "We couldn't see anything."
He shrugged. "I'm sorry to hear that." When the girl didn't reply, he started rolling up his window.
"Oh one more thing!" the girl yelled, pressing her hands against the window.
"Yes?"
The girl tilted her head to the side, playing with her bottom lip. "What did you do in there?"
The man's eyebrows raised. "I gained his trust. Told him I wasn't going to hurt him." The girl pondered his answer, and turned around to leave. The man raised his window, and left. The girl skipped back to the audience. A woman with short blonde hair approached her and mistook her pondering face for a sad one.

"Oh sweetie, it's alright, none of us saw anything either. Don't worry dear," she held out her hand for her daughter to grab. The girl latched on to it, jumping around as she walked.
"Did you know he can talk to horses?" she said eventually.
"Really?" Her daughter didn't see the doubt on her mother's face.
"Yeah. Said he told him he wouldn't hurt him." The daughter bounced around some more. She stopped and asked. "Can I learn to talk to them too mommy?"
The lady's face was blank as she answered "Sure, sweetie, whatever you'd like." She herded her bouncing daughter into the truck and sighed as the door clicked shut. She did not want to ruin her daughter's dreams, but that man would now have to be paid for 6 hours of work when it only really took him 10 minutes to get that horse in the trailer. Such a rip-off she sighed.

She then hopped into the truck, and they drove Moose home. "Could he teach me mommy?" her daughter's eyes glistened.
Mom looked back in the rear view mirror. "I'm sure he probably could," she smiled to her daughter, but frowned on the inside.
The girl giggled all the way home. When they arrived home, the mother took her phone outside and called the man right away. "I'd like to talk to you about price."
"Alright,"
"That was a 6 hour trailer loading, but you loaded my horse in 10 minutes. I'm not paying for 6 hours then." The mom was resolute.
"Then I have a proposal."
"What might that be?"
"Pay me for 10 minutes, and your daughter can come work off the other 5 hours and 45 minutes."
The mother sat down in a chair, sighing loudly. She did not want her daughter associating with this man, but it would make her so happy. Eventually, she agreed to it. As long as she came with though. The man said that was fine. Her daughter was ecstatic. The mother just hoped she was making the right choice.

Balance and Trust

I've discovered something about balance today. Moose and Bella have recently been put into another pasture to graze, since ours is bone-dry. The grass all died and went to heaven apparently, leaving our horses with hell on earth: no food. But, thankfully, with the use of this pasture they'll be fine.

So, anyways. I was ducking underneath the electric wire, and it hit me. Balance. How I was ducking under the fence, if I needed to stop suddenly because I was running over a horse's threshold, I couldn't! I needed to put my other foot down, I couldn't stay just as I was.

Another way of explaining: you know how we all want our horses to have go = woah? Well, humans need that too! I wasn't prepared in the proper position to help my horse, and I've come to the realization that this is a pattern in my life. With horses anyways. I feel like if someone was going to yell to me at sometime in our play session "STOP!" I couldn't do it, I'd probably trip over myself. It's finding the grace of movement, I guess that's how I'd explain it. You know when you see people who do Tai Chi or some kind of slow, but powerful martial arts every movement just feels very balanced and planned. I don't feel that way. My movements are clumsy and jerky. I'm the person who moves because they have to, as in the instance I talked about above. I get myself all tangled up so I have to move, so I couldn't be effective even if I wanted to. My timing and balance is off. So with is I was losing feel. Very good to know.

And I also discovered how Moose doesn't really trust me. Bella does, we are now on very good terms, but Moose has been holding back. I really thought about him today, and figured out he doesn't trust me. Not in the terms that he's an RBI and goes introverted within himself. No, like he's being stubborn about it. He's set in his ways. He's LBI about it, he's decided that people aren't something he wants to be involved with. I don't know what made him decide this, or if he was born that way, I have no idea. But I want him to trust me. And I now that in order for that to happen, he has to decide it himself.

With Bella, see, if you get in a tricky situation, she trusts me. If I were riding her (although I don't) and she got freaked out about something, I would be saying the equivalent of (or would WANT to anyways, because I doubt I could be so calm)"Bella, calm down. Trust me, you're going to live." Because that's what she needs to hear at that time: gentle, yet firm. But with Moose, If I got into a situation where he got scared, and I did the same thing, he wouldn't relax like Bella would, he'd go "No, I don't believe you." There is nothing I have that can make him trust me.

I remember reading in one of Mark Rashid's books once about a horse that was uncatchable. They turned it into a pasture for a few months. Huge pasture, lots of other horses. Everything was fine. Until one day they needed to halter all the horses to move them into another pasture. They caught every one of them just fine, except this horse. They walked out to catch it, the horse ran away. They said "alrighty then." And came out there every half hour or every hour afterwards to ask if it still didn't want to be caught. The horse was neighing and whinnying for its buddies like crazy. Eventually, since he realized he was getting nowhere, the horse let himself be caught. And he was never hard to catch anytime after that either.

See, he learned what he needed to learn. There was no opposition here. What, the fence for keeping him in? No, that's how humans think. We would blame the fence if we're trapped somewhere, but the horse was just fighting himself. He had a way out. And that's the kind of situation Moose needs to be in. He needs to learn that he's only inconveniencing himself by not trusting me. I can't force my hand, I can't change his mind. He has to change it. I could go out there with cookies or a whip and either bribe him or force him to trust me, but neither of those work. I want to offer myself up as a friend. I want to be his friend, and then once we can be friends and we trust each other, I can pursue more levels in Parelli. Because with him not trusting me, it's not fair of me to ask.

But yeah, so I don't get direct-lined about saying "trust me now!" to him, I thought of a quote. This also goes along with a story I just wrote which I may or may not post. The quote is: "You don't need to trust me completely: you got your whole lifetime for that. Right now I just need you to trust me enough to get in that trailer."

Trailering Help Please

Ok, if anyone knows of any professional haulers, please let me know. I'm trying to get price quotes on hauling Moose, seeing as we don't have a trailer and our truck is currently not up to making an 8+ hour trip, I'm looking elsewhere.

I am DETERMINED to get him to South Dakota. We need this, and it's going to help out sooooooo much.

If you know of any, please, let me know.

Announcement!

Since half of the blog started to become about writing, I've decided to make a writing blog in addition to this one. So, for all interested, you can find that here. I will update about my story, and any breakthroughs I have with it there, to keep things a little simpler. I just made it tonight though, so don't expect anything special. And don't worry about the title of the blog, I'll explain in due time.

In the mean time, I'm pretty pumped about my trip. I've been learning a lot about myself, and so am excited to go play with Moose sometime this weekend. I guess you could say I'm re-inventing myself to him. I want to be the best me I can be, and I hadn't been that person in the past. Well, one of the things Farrah requested happen before I see her this summer was that I pass my Level 1, so I want to be a new person and go do that. My original plan to save some money was to wait until I could film my Level 2 On Line, and just get that to skip the Level 1, but ah well, it'll make me feel good to get it anyways.

And the pad is coming on June 1st! I'm very excited to try it out, hopefully it'll help out immensely with our saddling troubles. It's coming with shims, too, so I get to play around with that. I'm very excited to see all these thigns coming together, I feel like I'm almost on the brink of a breakthrough. I'm becoming a better person, I've got a Theraflex pad, my story just took off, and I'm going to Farrah's soon to learn even more. I'm pretty psyched. Things are looking up.

New Stuff

I'm now earning some cash for my stay at Farrah's this summer. Thank god, because I was getting quite scared. I only had a month and a half and I need some extra dough.

Especially since I just bought a Theraflex pad! Finally, right?!? I've been wanting one for quite some time, and I know one of the things we're going to be working on is gaining confidence while riding. And since I'm going to attempt to bring Moose with me, I need a pad I trust. So, I broke down and just bought one. So much for waiting until I could find one for $150, lol. But I did get a good deal, don't get me wrong, it was just a bad time to spend money when I'm trying to save up right now. But yeah, steps in the right order.

Also, I've realized I still have some soul searching to do. I'm not completely out of the fire yet. I've come to terms with a lot of things, but I still have trouble with the horses. I found a blog post yesterday by Lea, where she talked about patience. She said she's been reading one of Mark Rashid's books and in it he says patience is

1.the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.

2.an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay

This is exactly what I need to learn to be, is patient. When I normally think of patient, I think of almost persevering, like waiting for an answer, not pushing, stuff like that. In life outside of horses, sometimes I'm really good at that. Other times not. So, I think this is what I need to learn to do. I need to learn who to be out with the horses, because I'm just a frustrated mess outside. Things bug me so easily, I can't quite put my finger on it. I said in that super long post I wanted to be friends with them, I was going to start over, but I don't know, I have so much trouble with this. It's not that I have a really "normal" background with horses or anything in my past that would make this hard. It's just there seems to be some resistance in my brain that says "You have to do what I want." I don't listen to the horses, I try to but I don't know. 

I'm sorry I can't explain this and this is all ranting. I've been up against this issue for the longest time, and it won't change and I'm not sure how to get it to change. I have a feeling I'm going to have to be backed up against a wall with Moose and forced to trust him. That might be a pattern in my life. Idk.

I took gymnastics a few years ago. It was a general class, me and about 5 other girls would switch off from the uneven bars to vaulting to even bars to mats. Well, on this particular day, we were on the mats practicing tumbling exercises. Our instructor was showing us how to do back-bends. At this point in my life, I could do them fine from the ground, and then going up into one. But I could never do them standing up and then landing on my hands. I wanted to, but I was scared I was going to fall onto my head. I was also very insecure about my spotters, so I wouldn't even attempt one. Well, it was 'required' we do back-bends as part of an assessment, so the instructor brought another instructor over, and they both spotted me and whaddaya know? I did it! Not without them catching me the first 2 times, but hey I got the hang of it pretty quickly, and it was actually fun. I would do them constantly from then on, showing off my 'mad skills'. But it took that kind of "look, you'll be fine, just do it" attitude from the instructors to push me over the edge to try it. And it was fine. I think that's the same thing that needs to happen with Moose. 

SO. . . After my *Cough* 6 week Hiatus

From this blog, no not quite, but from horse life. Yes, I will admit it. I wasn't kidding when I said in my last post that I hadn't played with the horses since the trip. And while that's not exactly true, I mean I did play with them twice, that doesn't exactly count.

I went outside by them yesterday and was stunned into a realization that I've been peeking into for like the past few months. I'm not happy with them. I've betrayed them. I haven't been acting as a friend. I've been using them as a means to an end, exactly the opposite of what I intended upon. I expected to walk outside and cheat, that suddenly upon encountering my presence the horses would just line up like little angels and dance with me perfectly harmonious and in tune. HA!

So I have figured out that not only was I a LITTLE far fetched, I was using Moose as a favorite old teddy bear. You cry on it, it sits there. You're angry, you throw it, but yet you still expect it to love you. And it does, it's a faithful little thing, but it still never gives you anything of itself, because it's more present than you. A total run-on, I understand, but I was cheating them. Both Bella and Moose. I was waving my hand to god, being the little stuck up teacher's pet who says "Hey, well I played with my horses every day for an hour. Can I have an A now?" And then turns around talking to her other classmates and says "How long have YOU played with your horses?" with a toss of her hair and a very high and mighty attitude.

Ok, so that's not exactly me.

But that's about how I came across. I, said "hey, I'm doing the work" and then complained when nothing happened. Well, duh! I was putting in the hours, but the wrong hours. I wasn't learning anything from them. I refused to look myself in the mirror, which is the first thing that had to change. So all that time I put in last year didn't even matter, no wait that's a lie. It's not that it didn't matter, because it did, it pushed me towards the breaking point every day I played. It's just that I could've advanced the same with played monthly as I did daily.

I was lying. And that's what my dilemma was: I was lying to myself, so I was lying to the horses. They tried to show me and I wouldn't listen. And now I have an insane feeling that they've been yelling at me this whole time "hey we need a little help over here!" I think they've been waiting for me to break through, to stand out there and say "This is who I am!" That's why they kept prodding me, they'd comfort me when needed, but they never allowed me to really connect with them because I wasn't connected with myself.

Do you kind of see what I mean? I don't know how to come right out and say this, it's all interconnected. I just have a feeling once I say hey, we can finally start this again.

But I HAVE to have changed from the back-stabbing person I was before to now an understanding friend. I'm not sure if I have or not, but I have this realization at the forefront of my brain now, so at least there's hope for our relationship now if nothing more. I think I'm going to go start over with him tonight. Tell him who I am. Be friends. And then maybe we can set our sights on riding bridleless off into the sunset.

But I'm getting ahead of myself now, aren't I? ;)

Haha, Oops

Yeah, so I'm sorry for not blogging, I just haven't gotten the urge in quite a while. My trip went fabulous, although by now that was like what, 3 weeks ago? 4? Either way, I apologize for keeping you waiting this long.

In all honesty, I haven't played with the horses more than twice since I came home. *Ashamed face* Nah, I'm just kidding. I haven't been wasting the time, I've been writing! I don't know why, but I've just been a write-a-holic recently! I'll talk more later, just a brief update since I've been quite negligent.

And the Trip

Was absolutely incredible. Sorry to be so suspenseful, but I'm just not feeling like divulging details tonight. Got a pic or 2 to put up, and some info to share, but for tonight, be content in knowing I had an incredible time, and have arranged to go back in July, and have quite a bit of homework to do beforehand! So, I'll share more soon.

And It's Time

12 hours until send off. I'll fill you in once I get home. To SD I go!!! Yahoo!

*Bangs Head Against the Wall* (While Smiling)

I had another realization, contrary to the title, this is actually a good thing. I was just putzing around yesterday, petting Bella, and just trying to have fun with the horses. Moose wanted nothing to do with me. He was just standing a ways away, sleeping, not even interested. And IDK why, but it just came to me the reason for some of our troubles. When Moose is in that mood, I usually go halter him up and then go. Noooooo. Not the right thing to do.

See, I had been using the halter as how I got his mind, when in reality I have to get his mind so I can halter. That's why things don't work at liberty, is because he knows he's not wearing the halter, so he doesn't feel he needs to connect to me. Hmm, very interesting.

Definitely something to ponder. Just can't believe I didn't think of it earlier. Hope everyone's relishing the warm weather. I'm just soaking up the sun, it makes me really energized. 3 days until SD!!!! I'll probably post another send-off before I leave. Kudos!

Summer Plans

So, since I haven't yet alluded to my summer plans, now's as good a time as ever.

*Drum roll please*

...

...

...

I'm going to be a working student for Farrah Green, a 3* Parelli Professional!!!! I've had this officially arranged since February, and will be there sometime this summer. Don't have a clue as to how long, but I'm hoping to have a more specific time set up in 3 weeks, because that's when we're going to be leaving to head to SD to tour the facility and find out more about the place. So, pretty sweet!

Elaborating on Feel

Since it seems this is just on my mind lately, we had another session where I went really slow and things worked out really well. It just knocked my mind out of the water with the power of a plan. I felt like if I showed Moose what I had in mind, and made an effort to help him do it, and really concentrated on what I wanted him to do, he got the idea. He understood my intent. For example, Moose gets a little funny when people stand above him (I think because since he's so tall he's never had anyone really taller than him before), so I decided to stand up on our picnic table, and have him walk along one side of the picnic table, then turn around around a cone, and walk down the same side, and turn around around another cone. It was a very awkward pattern, and I knew it, so it was a test. And Moose passed with flying colors. I felt like he knew what I was asking from the moment I started, just because I was so focused on the pattern.

Also, I read something posted on Mugwump Chronicles a long time ago just recently about horse's walking on a track, and about it being a color and such (I'd link to the old blog post itself, but I don't know what it's called, sorry). Well, I'm not quite sure about it being colored, but I did find out something interesting about it today. I asked Moose to circle around me, and he's gotten in the pattern of doing a few laps, and then stopping. We're just not far enough into the levels to change his mind about this yet, lol. But it's not a big deal. So I sent him out, made sure he knew it was a circle, and then closed my eyes. He stopped right away, so I re-sent him. This time, he walked 3 laps around me calmly without a fuss, and I have to say I think they were the most perfect circles we've ever gotten. "How interesting!" Then, as I opened my eyes to disengage him, he stopped. I was overjoyed! I guess there really is something to this stuff.

Overall, by myself making a conscious effort to slow down and make sure he understands, I feel like Moose is really hooking on better now. I feel like I should go back and read Tom Dorrance's book again now. I think maybe I'd get more out of it this time around.

The Power of Feel

I just had an incredible session with Moose. Like I said in the last post, I haven't been able to see him very often lately, so this was quite a pleasant surprise.

I decided to try to emphasize feel today, because I really want to have a light horse if I'm going to be doing liberty and higher level 3/4 things eventually. It turned out incredible. I rarely had to go to phase 3/4, but if I did, I was very clear about it, and then didn't need to again. Moose was really responding well to the lead rope. I tryed to be as subtle, but clear as possible, so his brain got involved. He had a great expression when we were done and was really LBI. I was really happy with our progress.

And it came to me today, hey, if you can ride your horse with just a string around his neck, why can't I play with my horse with just a string for a line, too? So, I think that's going to be something to aim for in the future. I want to see if I can play with my horse with just a binder twine around his neck, or something of that sort. Now that's a test of a light horse!

Besides, Moose was a lot happier today, too. I really felt like he was himself. And it was incredible how slowly we went! I really felt present with him, because I was trying so hard to go slow as to have hands that open quickly and close slowly, so I didn't want to miss his try. And he really hooked on to that.

Overall, a very neat day. I can see now why feel is so fascinating. Very cool.

Attempting to Fly While Stuck in the Mud

Well, I just had a very thought provoking conversation. Although I admit most all the thoughts were mine. And the conversation itself. And . . . well. . . the provoking part, too. (I amaze myself, lol). SOOO anyways I've been thinking some interesting stuff recently.

I haven't been able to play with the horses for the past 2 weeks, so it's given them some down time, and me too. I can only hope it's for the good, but I must say it's really causing me to learn a lot more. Even being outside with the horses just petting them usually teaches me something, usually some kind of theory, or a characteristic of one of the horses I hadn't known about before.

And so during this conversation today, I realized 3 things: 1) I am very bad at asking questions, 2) I over-analyze my horses WAY too much, and 3) I'm still waiting for an attitude change.

1) It kind of dawned on me just how bad at asking questions I am. For starters, I realized that I normally ask questions I think I already know the answers to (specifically pertaining to horses, though). Like when I'm unsure about something, but have an idea, I'll e-mail someone and ask them to tell me what they think. And then they'll usually regurgitate something like what I'm thinking, so I'll go "good, I was on the right track" and then go try it. But, see it seems like I can't do it all by myself. I need their go ahead. So, on my personality chart, you can definitely put a check mark in looks for reassurance.

But to exaggerate on that, it seems that I can't distinguish easily between when I need more knowledge and when I just need to go out and try something. Like I'll usually go look for more knowledge, when it's just a technique I'm lacking. Or I'll look for more information about reading horses when I've actually got a technique issue. It's all so confusing.

2) Now, I'm going to go about this in the most positive way I can, because I can see this post is turning into a "here's all my faults on a platter" so I'll try to be nice here. I also am still upset at my lack of progress. I won't deny that it gets hard for me to pretend to be satisfied with where I am when I am not. And part of the reason I seem to not make progress is because I can't tell when to ignore something, and when to pay attention to it. Like Moose throwing his head up when I try to halter. Predator inside me says to "ignore him, he'll let me halter him". And I usually always listen to that. But then I also say, "well, what if this is important, though, and I should wait to halter him?" Well, then I start second-guessing myself, and paying attention to it, and getting all bothered because I just spent a day "doing nothing" and nothing tangible came out of it.

3) I also found out another thing about myself, to elaborate on the knowledge vs technique issue. I used to think I was very resourceful, and I guess I still am, but I found out that I have the resources, but somehow not the tools. I mean, there's about a bazillion self-help articles out there, but there's only so many you can read. That's because it's not the article that changes you. It's what it does for you. And so I've probably read more of my fair share of natural horsemanship articles on line, always looking for another tip or bit of insight, but after a while it just becomes words on a page. None of these articles can do for me what I need right now. Not saying they're bad, but I think right now I am in a position where I need someone to sit me down and spell out what to do when, because I need an attitude change and a good mental slap in the face. Unfortunately, I feel like I've been here for a little over 6 months now to be perfectly honest. But I'm still waiting to make the change.

I want to be the horse's perfect partner in order to get him to be my perfect partner. And in order for that to change, I need help with patience, like these 2 famous quotes of Pat's say:

"Slow and right beats fast and wrong," and "Take the time it takes so it takes less time."

Well, it appears that I just can not seem to heed them. I want the end result very badly, but I'm dissatisfied with anything except progress. In other words, I want to go to heaven, but don't want to die. Can you see how frustrating this is? It's like being between a rock and a hard place. The only way out is to fly, but in order to do that first I've got to learn to use my wings. And I can't seem to get them working. I get stuck in self-doubt, low confidence, over-analyzing, confusion, mistrust, denial, all the normal bad things that assail someone when they're already unhappy. (love how life works, eh?)

So, I'm still not sure how to get out of this rut. I see many people using the Parelli program and getting absolutely fabulous results, and I long to be one of them. It's just that I'm still standing in my own way, and until I can get myself straight I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Hmm, maybe I'll go read some more articles. . . ;)

Soul to Soul or Eye to Eye

I was watching a video done by Pat Parelli in 1987 the other day. For Savvy Club Members, you can find it on line. It's called California Expo 1987 Mar 06. It's a little hard to hear what Pat's saying, as a forewarning, but it's an incredible show of just how talented Pat is, and this is even 23 years ago!

But, the bad hearing turned out to be a blessing. It really made me pay attention to what Pat was doing more than what he was saying. So, I was absolutely astounded when the end result of what looked to be a few needless things turned out to be him riding the horse around bridleless. And what happens when things go bad (no spoilers here, watch it yourself). And the video's only about a half hour long, too. I was astounded.

So, while walking my dog I really thought with how in the world Pat was able to bring that change in that horse around so quickly. It looked like he was barely doing anything except yielding the horse's HQ. And I came across an interesting scenario.

While I was walking my dog Morrie there are some cows who just got brought in at a neighbor's house. I didn't know at the time, but my dog seems to just love them. I think he thinks they're just huge dogs or something, because he gets really excited whenever he sees them. And so I follow some of Cesar Millan's dog psychology, and like what he does, so I got to act as him for a little bit to keep Morrie under control. It didn't work. Well, I had an epiphany. The reason things didn't work with Morrie was because I was relying on my eyes. I couldn't feel his energy. So, I'd only discipline him whenever he looked excited, but I couldn't actually feel his energy. I still can't.

And I realized that I think that's a part of what I'm lacking with the horses. Now, I'm sure it takes a long time to develop this, and I also believe that this a part of what Tom Dorrance calls feel. I likened it to being on a soul to soul level, instead of just eye to eye. Because with horses, and with Morrie, I look at what they're doing, but I can't really feel it like Pat or Cesar can. Not that I expect to, but it was a very interesting realization. Partially, because it really gave me a deeper respect for people who are good with horses (and Cesar, too), but also because I can really see how this would transmit to horses.

If you could just feel their energy, and what state they're in at that time, you would do the right thing. It's exactly like one of my favorite quotes from Linda Parelli: "If you can read the horse, you'd know what to do." And so I realized one of the reasons I can't read horses very well yet is because I can't feel of them yet, and if I can't do that there's no way we can feel together, and eventually get them to feel for me.

Quality Not Quanity

That's the main theme of what I learned today. It's not the amount of time that counts, but rather what you make of it. I didn't even go play with the ponies today, I just did my horsey chores quite slowly, and I still learned a few interesting things.

1. This one doesn't quite qualify, since I learned this on my walk today, but I realized more about myself. I found out a few years ago that I naturally have very tense shoulders. Now and then I make an effort to relax them, but I don't think it has done very much. Well, today I found out that my coat might actually be contributing to the tension! See, my coat is long enough that I can get away with not wearing gloves in the winter, because I just pull the sleeves down and tuck my hands inside them. And I noticed when I experimented with it today that that pulls my shoulders up. How interesting!
2. In reading Carolyn Resnick's book, she mentions at one point that she has discovered that in herds of horses, the dominant horse is behind the other horses, so he can drive them. I found this concept a bit strange, because I would think the alpha would be in front leading the herd, instead of driving them from behind. But then, when I saw Moose drive Bella forward, it clicked. And I even made a connection. You know when you're on the highway driving, and someone tailgates you? They're driving you. Unfortunately, for us humans it does little more than cause opposition reflex, but still quite a good example.
3. Just an idea here, but I was thinking about a few posts I read on the SC forum a while back, and some of the horse ads I see on craigslist. It's considered a good attribute for a horse to have if they can not be ridden for a while, and then just thrown a saddle on and go. While that seems unfair in my eyes, I was thinking about the horses that can't do that. So, I came to the conclusion that if you play with your horse regularly, and then give him a vacation for a while, and then you pick up playing and your horse is unconfident, your horse is probably innately Right Brain (unless he's having an off day, like its windy). If he is Left Brain, he's probably innately Left Brain, or he's just a Right Brain horse who has gained confidence and digested what you taught him over the break.
4. Controlling an extrovert's feet controls their emotions. It's been really icy here for the past few weeks and it's been interesting to watch Bella's transition to the ice. Moose has no problem, but Bella, being the subordinate, is really learning how to keep her emotions in check more. So, she is learning to walk calmly, because she physically can't trot or canter without slipping.
   

Lesson at Shirley's

I had another lesson today. It went really well. I was very pleased. I played with Ollie again again, and I really feel like he liked me too. Shirley even complimented me on how much improvement I made from our last lesson. I got firmer with him today when he needed it, despite him getting a little bit unsure, I persevered and then he came out fine and regarding me with respect. I was really happy. I really felt like a leader today, and that things worked out well.

I ended up riding him, too, at the end. I noticed when I rode him last time that he always wanted to go wherever he wanted when someone was riding him. Like I had to constantly remind him to go where I wanted. And he had an obvious draw to where his herd mates were. So, I asked Shirley when I should be reminding him to go where I want. She just reminded me that the phases, are eyes, belly button, leg, arm. I kept going to arm as phase 2ish, since he wouldn't go. She said that was most likely the result of him not being ridden very much. He is 14 years old, but doesn't have a ton of riding time on him. So, he isn't being sassy, he just doesn't understand since it's never been reinforced to him before. So, that was kind of cool, feeling like I actually got to do some kind of 'training' on Shirley's horses. :) Made me feel good anyways, that she said I was good for Ollie since I was more particular. He's a pretty cool guy.

And since Moose has been kind of a stinker about haltering recently, Shirley said that sometimes you have to make him and he doesn't just get to goof off. So, you might have to hook the halter around his neck, and just say 'deal!' for a little bit. But she also reminded me that I have a 50-50 chance. Good day, all in all!

Learning Lots

Well, you can kind of ignore that last post, because today I had a few epiphanies that totally kicked my feelings yesterday to the curb.

I learned that having a focus is incredible. Like I said yesterday, I felt lost. Things just weren't working so well. Well, I learned today that part of the reason I felt we don't go anywhere is because I have forgotten to make programs. If Moose has a problem with something, I stop and attempt to fix it, but I have the attitude of fixing it today, instead of just rewarding the slightest try and making a program out of it.

Also, today I learned that in order to to lead by the leg, it really helps if he knows that when you put pressure on his leg, that means lift it. I taught Moose that today on accident, and then leading by the leg was almost flawless. Also, I learned to make the right thing easy and wrong things uncomfortable, but then KEEP THE CONFIDENCE. I made the wrong things too uncomfortable, it seemed, and then Moose couldn't come to me. So, I sat down and waited for him instead of making him come to me.

And I learned to be fascinated with lightness. Moose was distracted by something off in the distance and along with bumping his head back to me, I asked him to lower his head. Normally, I am way too rough with this, and I can never time it right. It's just resistance on resistance. Well, today I decided to do something else about that. (I was sitting on a barrel at the time, btw.) I put the rope between my pointer and thumb, then started adding fingers one by one. When I got my whole hand on the rope, instead of making a fist and pulling down -this inhibiting my ability to open my hand fast- I just held my fingers like they were, and added some downward pressure. If he didn't respond, I started moving my hand back and forth, because even if I can't get his head to go down, I bet I can move it. So, then my release was a lot faster, and it was very interesting. Eventually I went to touch the rope, and his head came down, and went all the way to the ground. Talk about cool! So, I'm learning that it is a game of how little can you do and get the response. Pretty neat stuff.

On the personal development side, I was reading an article yesterday out of the Savvy Times (think it was from '05?) that said that one of the things people do at the centers is play volleyball, and the only rule is that the ball has to keep moving. You can use whatever limbs you'd like to accomplish that. When I read it, my first thought was when I played that at the neighbor's house. I was in volleyball the year before, and so knew all the rules and such, and everyone else was 'cheating' by not hitting the ball right. I got annoyed with them. And so I went "how interesting!" I learned that I like playing by the rules! It's like I need some kind of a focus, it doesn't necessarily need to be step by step, but at least so that I have a few "oh, well if this happens, do ___" type things. Like I remember playing badminton in gym class, and that worked well for me, because you have an in and an out. The line was in. If there's a dispute as to if it's in or out, then re-do it. It was fairly black and white: not that there wasn't a gray area, but if you found one, just re-do it. That was really something to lick and chew on. I don't consider myself a very black and white person, or else I'd be doing Clinton Anderson's stuff instead of Parelli, but I guess I was getting a little sick of having so much gray area and not knowing what to do. Then, I start over-analyzing, and getting stuck again, and the whole big charade. So, how interesting!

And, I found out that the bareback pad I have for Moose slips backwards on him. The pad did that to him before whenever I would saddle him, and now the pad does the same thing. But the interesting thing is that today we only did walk and back-up as our gaits. No Circling Game at all. So, I guess we're going to have to find some other pad to keep the bareback pad in place, because the only reason it slips is because it wants to lay behind Moose's withers, not over them a little bit like I want it (Moose's got big, longish withers). I want to have it placed so I'm sitting in the middle of the pad, and not the very front of it.

So, for the past week or so, I have been putting the bareback pad on every day. I haven't ridden him since Monday, but that's alright. It's good for him to wear it, is my philosophy. And now, I just had another epiphany. The thing that caused all this lead by the leg stuff today was that Moose kept backing up when I wiggled the rope around his leg. I was just trying to do Friendly, and he kept backing. Talk about connect the dots. I just realized that THAT is why he won't back up for me at Liberty. He thinks backing up is wiggling a rope, not my energy moving him back/finger wiggling (even though that's what I do on line, is just wiggle my finger and he moves back. . . have to look into that one more. . .). So, now I think I'm going to try to play with this some more and see if we can get it to where I can wiggle all kinds of ropes and he doesn't back up unless my energy is up. This will be good for me, too, because I need to start distinguishing that within myself, because my energy is usually down, and I'm starting to think I don't raise it often enough.

But yeah, I'm sure you can tell by reading my blog posts that I tend to be a kind of sporadic thinker. I get most of my epiphanies from talking to my mom and recounting to her how the play with Moose went that day. It's like I need to talk to think, sometimes. I've thought about getting a tape recorder and just recording myself talk, but I'm not sure if that will feel the same. Yeah, just got side-tracked. Well, my point is that if this is how I think, imagine how Moose feels when this sporadic person walks outside to try to teach him. I was explaining to my mom yesterday how I feel like I'm trying to teach him Science, Reading, Writing, Math, Social Studies, Spanish, and Music (the 7 games) all at once, instead of isolating, separating and recombining like I should be. I should be dedicating time to one task, then to another, then to another, instead of just trying to fit every single game into one 2 hour play session. This came about by me hearing that some girl was just filming her Level 3 on line, and she only plays with her horse like 10-20 minutes per week. She's had him for somewhere between 3-5 years, can't exactly remember. But if you do that math, that adds up to around 9 hours of play time per year. PER YEAR. Moose and I have a grand total of around 500 hours. And we're in Level 2. And I owned him for 1 year. So, my question was how in the world did this girl do it? Quality of time spent, not quantity. I've got plenty of time, I just don't use it well. I do whatever random thing pops into my head at that moment. I usually don't play off of what we did yesterday, so there is never a continuation of learning. It's like everything is its own entity, nothing is connected to anything else. Then, in essence, I am not creating a foundation, since there is no purpose, and without purpose I'm sure Moose lacks understanding.

Jeez, how much horses have to teach us! I look forward to more lessons from Moose tomorrow.

Savvy up!

Quick Update

I've just been playing around with Moose lately. I don't feel like anything reallly spectacular has happened or else I'd update about it, but I do feel like adding that we're starting to do some riding stuff. Just little putzy things bareback, but it's going really well so far. I'm taking my very first baby step to being a leader while mounted. Feels nice. :)

But as for other news, yeah, I am now out of a job. Rather unexpectedly, I was let go, so will be seeking another job/ alternative ways of making some moo-lah. I've got some really exciting leads for this summer, some of which require some monies, so the search for another job is on! Things will be so much easier once I can start giving lessons, or starting horses, or something like that. But, anyways, looking to the bright side, I am now open to another learning opportunity and have more time to play with the horses!

Mom and Bella's Breakthrough

I'm pretty psyched for mom right now. We went out today to play with the horses, and I decided to try to help mom out a little bit. First, we stated out with simulations, me being the horse and her the human. The purpose was so that 1) I can give her feedback, and 2) she can develop better rope handling skills for the 22' line.

And then I told her that she should try hitting a barrel as hard as she could with her CS (carrot stick), and then rub it. I asked her how she felt afterwards, and she said it was interesting, because she could really feel her energy going up and down, and how quickly she needed to adjust it.

So, after doing that, she got her pony and I proceeded to give her a 'lesson' in leadership. Bell was circling, and pretty bored. She was looking outside the circle, waiting for every excuse to stop and play games and such. So, I asked mom to do a change of direction when Bella was walking pretty well. She backed up, and then pointed for Bella to go off the right, but Bella just stood there. I told her to tag her 3x on the neck. Bella swished her tail, and tosses her head, but then trotted (hallelulah! The LBI trots!) off half a circle to the right. Then, she stopped and stared a whole into mom. I told mom to smile, and then turn her back. Bella put her head down, and then licked her lips. I then challenged her to see if she could reel in the rope without looking at Bella. Bella came over, so then she did Friendly, to make sure we still have her confidence.

Then, I had her send her out again. This time Bella looked a little more attentive, but possibly a little unconfident. So, I had her stay more on the passive side, until Bella started messing around with the barrel, saying "look, even this barrel is more interesting than you!" so I knew she was confident again. Then, she sent Bella out, and Bella took about 3 steps before turning and facing. So, she re-sent her again. Same thing. I told Mom to back her up a little bit, because she was too close, and to send her like she was going somwhere, like there is a purpose to all this, because if Mom doesn't think there's a purpose, I doubt Bella's going to either. So, then she sent her out, and Bella went. I had them do a little more change of directions, and then -since Mom was conveniently standing by 2 barrels- I asked her to see if she can stand in the middle of the barrels and do change of directions from there to get Bella to do a figure-8.

I thought it went pretty well. Bella still had the druthers towards me and Moose -since me and him were chilling together- but not that big of a deal. Then, Bella started not coming in to Mom for the change. She's like "I know what happens before what happens happens!" So, I wasn't really sure if that was dominance ("I don't want to come in to you!") or unconfidence ("I can't come in"). I had mom turn her back, and then see if Bella would come in. It took a little prompting, but she eventually did, so I'm thinking it was more dominance-oriented, which will be something to fix for next time.

Then, Mom asked if we should end, but I don't think quite yet, since Bella didn't come to her, that wasn't really a good note to end on. I asked her to do something else with her for a little bit, and she thought of Stick To Me, since they haven't done much of that. Great idea! So, I had to adjust Mom's position a little bit, and give her some concepts with this game. I think this game is really going to help both Mom and Bella. Mom, because the parameters are really good for her, so she really KNOWs how to be a leader here: like she has a specific goal in her mind of what she's looking for, and so it helps her be able to assert herself. It'll help Bella, because then she can see that Mom is a leader, and so it will lend her to being able to do the Circling Game better. Also, I thought it might be good, because then if Bella feels like circles are boring, in Stick To Me, at least you're going somewhere, so there's a purpose right there. And. interestingly enough, we found a problem right away. Bella swishes her tail, tosses her head, and puts her ears back when you go from the walk to the trot. So, first I had to correct Mom's trot, because she started jogging at the same speed she was walking. It was like a human piaffe. So, I had to get the idea ingrained into her head "go somewhere!" Once she started doing that, she got Bella to trot, and then once I told her "Back her up fast" she had to stop and start backing up Bella phase 4. Really good for both of them. Bella licked her lips fast every time. After she did it twice, I noticed that Bella was putting her ears back whenever Mom walked, but I'm not sure if that was sassy or just paying attention, so I just left it alone.

So, yeah, overall a very successful day. I really hope that Mom learned today the benefits of leadership for Bella, because today was the first day she's ever truly Phase 4'ed Bella. Before, she always nagged her, so I'm hoping that this will REALLY open her eyes up to the fact that you can not possibly hit a horse with a CS as hard as another horse could kick, so it's okay to believe in yourself, and mean what you say sometimes, as long as you're not mean or mad. It'll be interesting to see how Bella's behavior is different next time Mom plays with her, and to see how their relationship changes because of it.

Resolutions

Well, I didn't post anything right away about my resolutions, because honestly I'm not sure what to pick. After some thought, I came up with the following goals I would like to at least start this year:

• Buy a Western Theraflex, so I can . . .
  
• Start riding Moosey
• Officially pass Level 2 On Line
• Ride the unicycle around my driveway
• Be able to run 3 miles in under 25 minutes (or bike the equivalent in under 20 minutes)
  
• Be a healthier person and try new foods
• Learn, learn, learn
• Unofficially pass Level 1 with Bella