This isn't Exactly Social Anxiety, but . . . .

I have realized that my most joyful moments in life are when I am alone.

Taking advantage of the fact that most of my neighbors and fellow townspeople of Green Bay and surrounding areas are watching the Packers right now, I chose to talk the dog instead. We stepped outside into above 30 degree weather, a warm break from the frozen temperatures of only a week ago.

I was finally able to breathe freely. And relax. My brain slowed to a crawl and I appreciated the easy simplicity of animals. Just Morrie and I walking. His tongue lolled from his mouth as he trots to keep pace with me. I slow down. Now we are both walking and I appreciate my surroundings. The traffic noise is minimal. No cars in sight, which is unusual living so close to a highway. The only thing I can hear is a bird cawing if I strain my ears. Otherwise, the world is lovingly silent. The outside world has considerately traded its noises and distractions for the sounds of a television, which is A ok with me and my dog.

We take a quick walk down the road and turn back when we hit the highway.

Nothing spectacular, but that was ok. My brain slowed down and I was able to feel at peace for the first time all day, which was miraculous :)

Ever since I read one of Steve Pavlina's articles about hope (an incredible article), I had been feeling rather glum about my life and my choices. And that, combined with not a lot of sleep, makes for a rather unhappy me.

Nonetheless, the outside world has worked its magic on me, as it usually does, and I enjoyed my walk with my dog immensely. Alone at last, we rule the world!

P. S. We were very sorry to see the Packers lose, though.

Why Everyone Should Go Paintballing

Pop, pop, pop, pop!

Paintballs burst right above my head, finding themselves splattered on an old oak tree. I grimaced as I crouched deeper beneath my cover. Only me and two other people on me team. It was us against five others. 

I surveyed our reality. The team was coming even closer to us, slowly, arching out to swoop in and get us from behind. Basically, we were very close to losing. I looked around and saw that the other team was running, so I quick made a break for it to join my teammate Kelly.

"Any ideas?" I huffed, out of breath.

She coughed, "Yeah, good luck!" And she sprinted away, only to get shot down immediately from who-knows-where. I looked around. I could not see a single teammate anymore. Crap! I shimmied to the edge of my cover and peeked around it. 

Pop, pop, pop!

Paintballs flew towards me in a hurry from in front of me. I was boxed in. Crap, crap, crap! I sat down behind my cover, gathering my breath to make a break for another hiding spot. I was just about to run when suddenly a loud voice screamed, "SURRENDER OR DIE!" 

"I surrender!" I cried, turning to face my attacker with my arms up.

"Good," he muttered. The ref called her whistle and the game was over. I was the last one left. They had gotten one of my teammates and I hadn't even realized it.

We traipsed back to the re-loading area and gathered ourselves for another round.

*******************************************************************************

 Clearly, this is a made-up story and it's been a while since I've played, but you get the gist. I've gone paintballing a few times in my life, and it's made a notable impact on me. So much so, that I believe everyone should go.

I used to be so afraid to paintball. I'd literally be in a game and sit and cower, because I was too afraid to move. My mask would fog up so I was blind and I would have no idea where anyone was and I was afraid to get hurt. It sucked. And then I would wonder why I had even gotten myself into this mess. Nonetheless, whenever anyone asked me to go in the future, I agreed.

Reflecting back on this decision, it was a very good one. Because only after I got shot a few times did I realize that "hey, these don't actually hurt that bad." And I think that is a good lesson for everyone.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said it best, "When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers." That is honestly how I view paintball. It's a good metaphor for all of life's risks, because while it seems scary at first, it's just a game! Paintballs really do not hurt that bad!

As such, I was proud of myself for playing and giving it a shot. I found confidence that I didn't know I had. Everyone should give it a try.