I'm now earning some cash for my stay at Farrah's this summer. Thank god, because I was getting quite scared. I only had a month and a half and I need some extra dough.
Especially since I just bought a Theraflex pad! Finally, right?!? I've been wanting one for quite some time, and I know one of the things we're going to be working on is gaining confidence while riding. And since I'm going to attempt to bring Moose with me, I need a pad I trust. So, I broke down and just bought one. So much for waiting until I could find one for $150, lol. But I did get a good deal, don't get me wrong, it was just a bad time to spend money when I'm trying to save up right now. But yeah, steps in the right order.
Also, I've realized I still have some soul searching to do. I'm not completely out of the fire yet. I've come to terms with a lot of things, but I still have trouble with the horses. I found a blog post yesterday by Lea, where she talked about patience. She said she's been reading one of Mark Rashid's books and in it he says patience is
1.the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.
2.an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay
This is exactly what I need to learn to be, is patient. When I normally think of patient, I think of almost persevering, like waiting for an answer, not pushing, stuff like that. In life outside of horses, sometimes I'm really good at that. Other times not. So, I think this is what I need to learn to do. I need to learn who to be out with the horses, because I'm just a frustrated mess outside. Things bug me so easily, I can't quite put my finger on it. I said in that super long post I wanted to be friends with them, I was going to start over, but I don't know, I have so much trouble with this. It's not that I have a really "normal" background with horses or anything in my past that would make this hard. It's just there seems to be some resistance in my brain that says "You have to do what I want." I don't listen to the horses, I try to but I don't know.
I'm sorry I can't explain this and this is all ranting. I've been up against this issue for the longest time, and it won't change and I'm not sure how to get it to change. I have a feeling I'm going to have to be backed up against a wall with Moose and forced to trust him. That might be a pattern in my life. Idk.
I took gymnastics a few years ago. It was a general class, me and about 5 other girls would switch off from the uneven bars to vaulting to even bars to mats. Well, on this particular day, we were on the mats practicing tumbling exercises. Our instructor was showing us how to do back-bends. At this point in my life, I could do them fine from the ground, and then going up into one. But I could never do them standing up and then landing on my hands. I wanted to, but I was scared I was going to fall onto my head. I was also very insecure about my spotters, so I wouldn't even attempt one. Well, it was 'required' we do back-bends as part of an assessment, so the instructor brought another instructor over, and they both spotted me and whaddaya know? I did it! Not without them catching me the first 2 times, but hey I got the hang of it pretty quickly, and it was actually fun. I would do them constantly from then on, showing off my 'mad skills'. But it took that kind of "look, you'll be fine, just do it" attitude from the instructors to push me over the edge to try it. And it was fine. I think that's the same thing that needs to happen with Moose.
