This is MY Life

Been working a lot recently, so just went outside with the horse today to play for the first time in about a month. Had a good time, really learned a lot. Few thing that I learned today:

1. Fix one thing at a time. If we're playing with some maneuver and some other game breaks, fix that FIRST and then go back to what you're doing. I have a habit of just trying to make it all work.
2. I treat Moose a lot like how I DON'T want to be treated: someone with a lot of expectations that is never satisfied. Just a "how interesting!"
3. Need a lot of Friendly Game with me on his back, just hanging out. I want to get to where he likes me being up there.
4. He has gotten SOOOOO much better at cantering! He read my mind actually. I asked him to trot, and he went and cantered a lap. It was amazing! I think this month off has really gotten him used to cantering around the pasture a bit, because it was so much easier for him today than it normally is.

I also has a huge BFO yesterday, Easter of all days. I had a really nice Easter, hope you all did as well. :) So, when I went home I started ranting about relationship issues with a friend of mine. And I got really angry. For the record, I am rarely ever angry. I hopped on the computer and started talking to a friend of mine and had a huge realization. Basically, I need to, and it's ok to, set boundaries with people. In horse terms, I don't ever phase 4 my friends! Ever! This was huge to me. I basically let people walk all over me. So here is what I leaned from that night:

• I need to set boundaries with people.
• Be gentle without being a wimp, but be firm without being mean or mad.
• I can be firm and that’ll be ok. I don’t have to be a dictator, but it’s perfectly alright to have expectations of people.
• Whatever happens, happens.
• I CAN NOT control what others think of me. That is out of my control. So there is no use adjusting my actions for an expected response from someone.
• It’s OK to have people mad at me. That’s alright. In fact it may be healthy. I can’t control them. But I can stand up for myself. And it’s ok to do that. (I hate it when people are mad at me)
• I have the POWER to change my life
• I don’t have to put up with this kind of stuff from people. I can expect things from people and that’s ok. At the moment, people walk all over me.
• It’s a respect issue. I’m afraid to phase 4 ppl because I don’t want to hurt their feelings. But I need to do this sometimes for my own sake. This is MY life. Not theirs.

Very good realizations overall. Today, after this idea has had a quick smidgeon of time to settle in, it's been interesting to see how I have already applied it. I already feel more satisfied with myself, and a lot happier. I told my friend that I would like them to step it up a little bit, and so far no response, but I feel much better. Time for me to put myself first.

Enjoy the nice weather today everyone! :)

Have fun horsin around! :)

Thinking Abounds

I never finished my above story. Basically, I was out with Moose for about 15 mins, and it was so awesome all that he taught me. He basically showed me that I was treating him as a mirror image of a guy I have recently been talking to. Just awesome stuff. It hit me like a slap in the face haha.

And then today, I realized something else. I've been on a slippery slope with one of my friends recently, and today it came to me that I wasn't treating her right. One of the Parelli-isms I've heard before is that the horse is perfect, it's us that have to change. And this was exactly what I was doing the opposite of. I kept telling her to change and she was getting sick of it. And all of a sudden, bam, haha oops I'm sorry. So I apologized and things should improve between us. She may not be a horse, or a horse-friend, but Parelli really does apply itself to life in so many different ways.

Ladies and Gentleman

I had something of another huge realization today. PUT THE RELATIONSHIP FIRST! This is so huge, such a huge principle, yet somehow I forgot about it.

In all of my relationship with my horse, I've felt pressured. Always. Ever since I told everyone I want to be a horse trainer, I've been pressured. Pressured to be someone I'm not, and do something I could not do. So, I ended up not liking myself very much. "I must not be good enough, someone else should try." "Well, maybe this person will help me figure it out." "I don't know the problem, I've tried, why can't anyone help me?!?"

I took it out on others. I knew the answer inside, but I wouldn't let myself find it. I realize today that I'm very very good at lying to myself. I'm an expert at denial/ focusing on the problem. "Oh, no, I'm not doing that at all." "But you see, here's why that won't work." etc.

I've lost the fun of it all. Because I've been on a time-line. I've said Moose, by X time we need to be doing A, B, C and you're going to love it! And X = yesterday. See how that doesn't compute? :) I forgot about the rapport. It went out the window. I've literally forgot to be my horse's friend, first and foremost. I've been so focused on progress that I didn't even acknowledge his opinion.

And this is where the lying to myself part comes in. I'd approach Moose, he'd look like he was going to leave, so I'd go "no no no, you don't have to leave." And proceed to halter him. My horse was telling me "no" but in my mind, I was thinking "well he's not doing anything drastic, I must be doing alright." And well he wasn't. But that's why it's the little things that count the most.

And I also just realized I shouldn't berate myself like this. I have a realization and then I go "holy smokes look how terrible I've been" but that doesn't help my confidence level either (and thinking about it, I think I do this a lot, actually). I'm not going to erase all I've typed above, else I wouldn't rewrite it, but I'm going to look at things in a more positive light from now on. The above isn't very healthy, especially for a positive, progressive and natural blog.

With that in mind: So, what did I learn today?

• It's not about the ______, it's about the RELATIONSHIP
• My horse is my mirror
• This is a partnership
• Rapport, Respect, Impulsion, Flexion - I have to be my horse's FRIEND first and foremost, and this goes for any horse.
• Respect my horse - the point of this program is to give them a voice, so you know how to be a better person.
• I have to get the 'want to.'
• Cause your ideas to be your horse's ideas, but UNDERSTAND your horse's ideas first.
• I thought of Monty Roberts as well, how he claimed if you do things right by a horse, he would rather be with you than his buddies."If you love him, set him free. If he comes back to you, he's yours. If he doesn't, it wasn't mean to be."
• Match his energy plus 4 oz.
• ACCEPT where I'm at.
• Being with my horse means just that. BEING. Not wishing, or wanting, or impatienting. BEING.
• Friendly game with your horse is the human equivalent of talking, getting to know someone. That's why it's so important.
• Goals are good, but not so high that they aren't achievable. Don't expect too much. Have a plan, but be adaptable. For me, high expectations are something to steer clear of right now.

I'll let you know if I think of any more. But look how much is to be learned in 15 mins!! And I didn't even get to the relation to human life :)