In all of my relationship with my horse, I've felt pressured. Always. Ever since I told everyone I want to be a horse trainer, I've been pressured. Pressured to be someone I'm not, and do something I could not do. So, I ended up not liking myself very much. "I must not be good enough, someone else should try." "Well, maybe this person will help me figure it out." "I don't know the problem, I've tried, why can't anyone help me?!?"
I took it out on others. I knew the answer inside, but I wouldn't let myself find it. I realize today that I'm very very good at lying to myself. I'm an expert at denial/ focusing on the problem. "Oh, no, I'm not doing that at all." "But you see, here's why that won't work." etc.
I've lost the fun of it all. Because I've been on a time-line. I've said Moose, by X time we need to be doing A, B, C and you're going to love it! And X = yesterday. See how that doesn't compute? :) I forgot about the rapport. It went out the window. I've literally forgot to be my horse's friend, first and foremost. I've been so focused on progress that I didn't even acknowledge his opinion.
And this is where the lying to myself part comes in. I'd approach Moose, he'd look like he was going to leave, so I'd go "no no no, you don't have to leave." And proceed to halter him. My horse was telling me "no" but in my mind, I was thinking "well he's not doing anything drastic, I must be doing alright." And well he wasn't. But that's why it's the little things that count the most.
And I also just realized I shouldn't berate myself like this. I have a realization and then I go "holy smokes look how terrible I've been" but that doesn't help my confidence level either (and thinking about it, I think I do this a lot, actually). I'm not going to erase all I've typed above, else I wouldn't rewrite it, but I'm going to look at things in a more positive light from now on. The above isn't very healthy, especially for a positive, progressive and natural blog.
With that in mind: So, what did I learn today?
- It's not about the ______, it's about the RELATIONSHIP
- My horse is my mirror
- This is a partnership
- Rapport, Respect, Impulsion, Flexion - I have to be my horse's FRIEND first and foremost, and this goes for any horse.
- Respect my horse - the point of this program is to give them a voice, so you know how to be a better person.
- I have to get the 'want to.'
- Cause your ideas to be your horse's ideas, but UNDERSTAND your horse's ideas first.
- I thought of Monty Roberts as well, how he claimed if you do things right by a horse, he would rather be with you than his buddies."If you love him, set him free. If he comes back to you, he's yours. If he doesn't, it wasn't mean to be."
- Match his energy plus 4 oz.
- ACCEPT where I'm at.
- Being with my horse means just that. BEING. Not wishing, or wanting, or impatienting. BEING.
- Friendly game with your horse is the human equivalent of talking, getting to know someone. That's why it's so important.
- Goals are good, but not so high that they aren't achievable. Don't expect too much. Have a plan, but be adaptable. For me, high expectations are something to steer clear of right now.
