I have to say, one of the most amazing things in the world is the fact that you can never not learn something out by your horse. I'm serious! I think the only way that could ever happen for me would be if I patted Moose on the head and then left about 2 seconds later. Other than that I always learn something.
So, of course, today was no exception. And the marvelous part was I didn't even do anything! I gave the pony some food and just decided to stay outside with him for a while. So to him I was probably nothing more than a nuisance :) but a thinking nuisance nonetheless. And my thinking brain was busy having BFOs.
I just got outside after reading some very interesting articles on line about self-worth. So this was part of the BFO. Basically, I realized that I have conditional self-worth based on how I look. No wonder I have pretty low self-confidence.
But in being outside by Moose, I had a lot of situations running through my head: trailer-loading, riding, picking his feet up. They all have a lack of respect. So I'm missing the leadership.
BING BING BING! *Flashing lights going off*
There's a connection there. I'm still mulling it over, but basically what I've realized is that I am not the leader, because I am not sure of myself. And when I'm not sure, I lend Moose the leadership. Here's a better way to explain: instead of being independent, I have made myself co-dependent on him. At least for riding. Because when I'm on his back, I don't feel sure (because I expect him to behave badly), so I tell him "Moose take care of me!" and he goes "Ha! Heck with that!" and takes me for a joy ride.
Hmmm. . . Like I said, still mulling it over, but I think I'm on to something here. There's definitely a connection between my self-confidence and his lack of respect, that's kind of a given, but I've never thought about it like this before, that I was basically handing him the leadership role. We'll see what the next session brings :)
