Yes, I would like to apologize. I royally broke my own rule. Haha sorry. I always tried to keep up with blogging at least once a month, that was my goal. But I missed December man. . . Darn it!
But I assure you I am here, and I did not forget about the blog. I just felt like I had nothing to say. Things have been pretty chill with Moose recently I didn't feel like I had anything to talk about.
I've been thinking about my future a lot recently, and trying to decide what to do. I'm getting involved in some other activities that are going to take away sometime with the horses to see if that ups my motivation. Because I have been very unmotivated recently. And surely, if this is what I want to do for the rest of my life, I can muster up the motivation to go play with my horsey. . . surely. . . right?
But ah, well I guess only time will tell there. I'm afraid my answer to that question will be no. But then, I don't think I can ever leave Parelli. It confuses me. So I think my answer has to be to give myself permission to figure things out. I don't want to get out of Parelli, but I don't think I would succeed as an instructor. Well, I haven't even given a lesson yet! That's no way to compare. So, for now, I just need to remember if I don't want to be a PP I don't have to. I can just have horses as a hobby and go from there. Because that's perfectly ok too.
I found this website online that gave me a personality profile and it was incredibly accurate:
How You Approach Life and How You Appear To Others
Modest, unobtrusive, and often rather quiet or shy, you are a person who is content to be in the background or to serve as an assistant, in the supporting role rather than in the lead. You are quite humble in your own assessment of yourself and you have a very strong perfectionistic attitude, with a tendency to be overly self-critical. No matter how well you do something, you always see the flaws in it and how it could be improved. Often you will simply refuse to attempt something because you feel you cannot meet your own high standards.
That's pretty much all my negative traits wrapped up in a bundle. But it describes me like right on, that being said.
It's something Farrah said to me that rings completely true. When I was doing an exercise with Moose, she told me I was extremely particular, like level 4 particular. It's not like I do it on purpose, but I have very high standard of what I accept. I mean, really, take a look at my little brother for instance. I can hardly stand him sometimes because everything he does is wrong. Now, if he were a horse, how successful do you think he would feel right about now? I do nothing but nag him. . . Oops.
For instance. . . he walks too loud. And no I am not making this up. He pounds his feet. Like really hard. And it bugs me, not like a pet peeve, but just because it's not that hard to walk lighter. But I tell him to walk lighter, and he doesn't. He doesn't know how. So it bugs me. So in my brain, he's walking "wrong." That's the "wrong" way to walk, he's doing it "wrong." So I cannot accept that. It's like he doesn't fit in my world. Not until he walks right.
And I never thought I was a perfectionist?? :O
My point is that I get so stuck up on little things I can't see anything else. So if I don't want to be a PP, it doesn't mean I have to get out of horses altogether. It doesn't mean I "failed." It just means I can have horses as a hobby and go from there.
Oftentimes, I don't give things enough of a chance. I'm not giving my little brother the chance to be right, because I'm not accepting him where he is at. It's the exact same with Moose. And ironically, it's the exact same with me. I can do whatever I'd like, whether that involves horses or not.
Wow that was amazing to get off my chest. I've struggled with that since I got Moose. It was like I signed a contract when I bought him that said "You have to be a PP. You are not allowed to change your mind." And it's funny, because by being so direct-line on my path, I actually got turned off by it.
It's perfectly ok to go slow. And to decide as I go. I still love horses, that's not a question, but if I'm not a 5* instructor by tomorrow, that's more than ok, that's great! It means I'm on the journey, I'm learning.
And isn't that what Parelli is all about? It's not about the _______, it's about the relationship. It's about the journey. The end result doesn't matter. Because the journey's all there is.
Oh many things to ponder. . . isn't life funny?
