The Future is Mine!!!

"Except, which future exactly? The one with you as X or Z? Oh. . . as both? . . . Ok, how's THAT going to work? And what about Y? Didn't you still want to do that?"

Haha ok, needless to say I still am in the midst of deciding what I want to do for a career. However, I thought I would explore a few options today, because there are some things that I have been thinking of doing. . .

While I am still playing around with the idea of horses, there are a few things that I could see myself doing in regards to them. These aren't exactly conventional (some are actually more volunteer-sy), but they still sound awesome to me:

1. Spending time in Ibiza, Spain doing Parelli with horses while helping children. There's a lady named Karen Sailer who's already in Spain doing exactly that, and I think it would be awesome to combine my interests in Spanish, travel, horses and helping kids all at once! This probably wouldn't be a career, but it'd still be awesome to do!
2. I cannot for the life of me find the article, but I am almost positive there was an article in the Savvy Times a long time ago about a Parelli Professional who got to travel and spend a few weeks in another country to help out the locals with their horses. Similar to the above, just it would be in a less-developed area
3. Being an equine-assisted therapist. These are people who work in the self-help field yet get to use horses to help their clients change behaviors. Specifically, I'd love to use EAP and I'd love to learn from Linda Kohanov at her facility in Tucson, Arizona.
4. I know it's bizarre, since I don't have a horse, but I would still really really LOVE to stay at the Parelli Center for a while. I just imagine what it's like to be there. It seems so peaceful and accepting, and I really don't care what I have to do, because I'm going to be there someday. The Parelli system has such amazing values; I really don't know what other place in the world has such a strong focus on self-improvement and growth and that is huge to me. So even if the actual horse part of things doesn't pan out, I want to work for Parelli somehow. Maybe in the blogging department ;) I just know that I LOVE their values.

I've also found myself more interested in dog psychology, too. So I think it would also be awesome to be a dog walker/ trainer. I'm talking trainer as in Cesar Millan type of trainer, though. So I think it would be fantastic to rehabilitate a dog, and currently I'm going to rehabilitate my own little scoundrel xD (he'll be a happy dog in no time! Or else! muah-ha-ha!) This wouldn't be a career for me, though, just something I'd like to do in my leisure time. I think someday I would like to train a guide dog and see how that goes . . . I think that would be very rewarding.

Back to careers, though . . . I have also been considering teaching as a future profession. It definitely has some major perks and major drawbacks. Perks = summers off, gone the same time as kids, awesome hours, talking all day. Downsides = lesson plans, possibly dealing with kids too much, grading homework, falling pay. The summers off benefit is huge, because that gives me 3 whole months to do whatever I want. That would be WONDERFUL to travel, because I know that I want to travel. Otherwise, I could just explore one of my other interests during this time. And I believe I would be teaching younger kids, too, probably more elementary school age, so in reality, lesson plans and homework wouldn't be too strenuous. But the kids would be cooped up with a lot of energy and that might get tough.

Another job I'm considering is being a life coach. This is something that I could even do on the side if I want, but it sounds genuinely awesome! The Master's Course group that I'm a part of gives me access to 2 different life coaches and so far I'm really pleased with what they've brought to the table. And it seems fun on their ends as well! I'd love to help people change their lives, that'd be fantastic! I would want to get certified through Martha Beck to be a life coach.

Kind of on the heels of the life coaching idea is that of a career coach. I'm not quite as interested in this one in the usual boring "take this career test, see any you like?, ok look up more details" blah blah blah. I like the "so. . . what excites you? What makes you want to wake up in the morning?" kind of coaching. That's awesome to me. Figuring out what your soul wants to do. And I guess, really, that is part of life coaching too. Cool :)

Another thing I want to do for a little while (or at least try) is being an editor. I'm really a words person and I think it would be awesome to read books and work with authors to help publish their work. I actually found a small publisher in Minneapolis that is looking for interns so maybe that would be something else I could try this summer somewhere closer to home.

Lastly (I hope haha) I want to be an author. It would be so amazing to publish a book. . . Just to have the feeling and proof of my contribution to the world, right in my hand. That would be phenomenal. I know it will be a lot of work, but someday I am going to publish one. I am so interested in people's life stories, I might as well write mine ;) (or not, we'll let future me decide that one)

Ok I lied. Not done yet. I forgot one of the biggest things I want to do . . . TRAVEL!! I know that for a job I'm not keen on traveling. When I say that, I mean that I don't want to travel on business trips or something. That sounds dull to me. I don't want to be in a foreign land and be stuck in meetings all day. I want to see and do things! So, as a part of my college experience, I am definitely studying abroad, I just have to decide where. And also after college, I am planning on taking a gap year and seeing the world then as well. And if I still haven't had enough, I could always join the Navy and see things that way :) I would join the Cryptology department and use my language skills, so hopefully I would come home with a better understanding of Spanish or an entirely new language under my belt.

And the only other thing I forgot is graphic design. I don't want to do it for a living, but I think it would be pretty cool to do. I would love to be able to design my own website, too. That kind of thing. It'd just be a really useful skill to have.

So, after reading all that, can you tell I've looked things up? Haha yeah, it's a lot, I know. But I think that's everything I'm seriously considering. There are a few other jobs hanging around (paralegal, librarian, psychologist), but I'm not as interested in those. I'd be ok with doing them, but I don't know. They just don't sound as exciting. Librarian sounds cool, but it'd depend on the place. I'd love to be in a library all day some days, but other days I'd just want to dance and sing down the aisles and I'm pretty sure the kids might look at me funny :D Plus, I guess I just don't want to stoop to that. I feel like people would say that being a librarian would fit me, and I agree, it would, but I don't want a job that fits me: I want to grow into it. I want to be challenged by my job :) so that means I have to pick something that's a little farther outside of my comfort zone.

Hopefully by the end of the summer I'll have a more concrete idea :)

Love,
Erica

Hello Blog!

Long time no see!!

I guess I should apologize, seeing as I have not posted anything in literally 2 years. Though I doubt it is of utmost importance, so I shall refrain :)

So . . . . 2 years!! A lifetime in some ways.

I have changed a ton! It astounds me to look at my old posts and to see even how incredibly self-critical I have been of myself. No wonder I never had any fun :)

A little update: I am currently at college and am almost done. I actually just had my very last class as a freshman, so I am in the midst of many changes whilst preparing for finals.

Thus, for what reason am I writing a blog right now?

Frankly, because these past few weeks have been the most transformative of my life. If you notice above, I posted that quote by Anais Lin, because it fits me perfectly at the moment. If you have ever read the book Broken Open by Elizabeth Lesser (and if not, I highly recommend it), I have and still am going through my own personal Broken Open period right now.

College is an amazing tool, and I have become very reflective as a result. I have relatioships with wonderful friends and professors who really challenge me and the way that I live my life. It is fascinating. Being an intellectual and always looking for self-improvement, my soul rejoices in these conversations. All of my classes this semester have been eye-opening in some way or another, and I really feel changed as a person.

I know that I am not perfect, and I also know that I will never be, but it has really taken me almost all of these 2 years without a horse to kind of find myself. I am still slightly lost, but much less so than I have been. I've realized recently, with amounting pressure to decide on a major, that life really is what I make it. I can be whoever I choose, I just have to decide. And well, even that is kind of a lie. I don't HAVE to decide, technically. There are many options. Ok, better phrasing. I have the choice to pick my major and then the choice to be satisfied with it. Because sooner or later, everyone in college has to pick something. And there is no such thing as a perfect major. Also, I recognize that whatever I pick will be perfect, simply because I have chosen it. So there is much less pressure to find the perfect major.

I have a very strong inner critic who loves to berate me on my choices, because I have come to realize that I am quite a perfectionist in the way that I plan my life. I generally want to have the 'perfect schedule' with the 'perfect major' and graduate in no more than 4 years and get a wonderful job. But life is messy! And while those are wonderful goals to have, they are not always feasible. Do I want to have some sort of direction? Ideally, yes. But there are people who graduate from college with no idea what they want to do, and that is okay too. Do I want to avoid that? Yes. But if it is what happen, then it must happen.

That being said, I do have some interests in mind. Currently, I am a Spanish major and I intend to keep that. So, as of right now I think I shall be a Psychology and Spanish double major with a minor in Communication Studies. However, I am also going to be doing a lot of exploring over the summer to see if that is what I really want.

Because if I want to change it, that's fine. But it gets to a point where I just have to accept that it is what it is. In picking my classes for this semester, I changed my schedule 8 times. 8 times!! That is an insane amount of switching and it caused me a ton of anxiety! Thus, I don't want to do that again. If I need to take time off to figure things out, then I will. But I respect myself now, and my worth as a person.

The biggest thing that I have come away with this semester is self-love. Love yourself for who you are. That is #1. Absolutely #1. Because hating myself is pointless. I cannot be happy with my life if I hate the person who is living it. That is counter-productive and does not make sense. So I have worked really hard to examine my life and work to change my mind. If only you could see my desk right now :) It is littered with post-its all over, entirely devoted to positive self talk. I have found a lot of support from friends and many on line articles as well as a few books that have really changed me. It also helps that I love quotes, and Parelli actually came to me, too, in my journey to heal.

Quotes I can't help but share:

• "It's not about the _________, it's about the relationship" (one of the basic, if not THE basic point of Parelli, all Parelliers have heard it, but have you ever stopped and applied it to yourself? That was a huge revelation for me.)
• "You were given this life because you are strong enough to live it."
• "Happiness is a choice." (I've heard this one many times as well, but it has really sunk in recently.)
• "Feel of, feel for, feel together." (another Parelli-ism, but have you ever applied it to relationships with people?)
• "Forgiveness is a reflection of loving yourself enough to move on." (if you have trouble letting go of things that you blame yourself for, like I do, really think on this one. It'll change you.)
• "Being happy doesn't necessarily mean smiling and skipping around 24 hours a day. It means finding a way to be passionate about what I'm doing or not doing it." -Linda Parelli (this is something I have also thought a lot about in the context of choices and 'get to' vs 'got to.' A lot of time, I will think things like "ugggghhhh I have to go to class,' but I have to examine that thought. Is that true? No one is making me go. The professor doesn't care. So I have to take back that thought. The truth is I chose to be here. I chose to take this class. And I am privileged to have this education. It's a much more positive energy, because it shifts me out of being a victim into being an empowered person, which is much more satisfying.)
• "If not now, when?" (ever thought about this? Now is all you've got . . . .)
• "Life is unfolding exactly as it should."
• "Sanity begins the moment you admit you're powerless over other people."
• "Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment." (then, there are no shoulding or regrets: my psych professor actually quoted someone the other day who said that we have to stop "must-erbating and shoulding all over ourselves." Very clever, but true. If something happened, it must have needed to occur. Or in other words, "what's done is done." So accept it and move on.)

So, with all of this, I have done a lot of soul-searching the past month :) as you might imagine. And I am happy to announce that I actually do see myself as a pretty damn cool person ;) I found this meme on Facebook that I just loved: "I have a problem with low self-esteem, which is really ridiculous when you consider how awesome I am." Haha! That totally fits.

Another huge thing I've learned this year is not to judge. And even that it goes both ways. I've always empathized with victims of situations, but I have to not judge the person causing the bad situation, too. I have no idea what they're going through or why they acted that way, but it is not my place to judge. I have to do my best to be there for either individual, and treat them as I would want to be treated. That is imperative. Accept people for who they are.

I have really seen how important it is to love and accept people for who they are without judgment. It is amazingly important, because we are all important and have gifts to bring to the table. I believe if we didn't have a reason for being here, we wouldn't be. So then, everyone has something important to contribute, and everyone has lessons to teach me if I will be humble enough to listen. I'm not perfect, by any means, but I will try my best to be there for people and love them as they are. That's a promise :)

Lastly, I just want to touch on Parelli. I looked back and re-read my post entitled Clarity and I really do think I was on to something there, it has just taken me this long for it to really sink in. See, I rarely ever cry, but as a result of this transformation that I'm going through, I've been much more emotional than I normally am. It's kind of exciting actually :) So as a result, I got to thinking last weekend about Moose. I have never cried over not having him, or even mourned his loss or anything. Once I sold him, I thanked God that he was off my hands and I moved on with my life. But I completely ignored the fact that he was, quite literally, my best friend for 2 years of my life. I had sold my best friend. And so the tears finally came :) I do not feel ashamed of selling him, because I know that it had to be done. I was much too busy and had things to figure out about me, and I did not have the capacity to have a horse at the time. So I accept that it had to happen. And I also accept that he is no longer mine. He was an amazing mirror and will always have a special place in my heart :)

Anyways, after my cry about Moose, it did get me thinking. And I am being very gentle with myself on the topic, but I am wondering about Parelli. Horses are a big commitment, and I know that I love them. But then, I also have to admit that I am scared of them. I have been ashamed to admit it, but I had fear issues with Moose even.

Haha, I apologize. My thinking is quite sporadic (typical RBE for ya haha). My point originally in bringing up the post Clarity in the last paragraph was to talk about freedom. I mention this horse I rode in 4th grade named Johnny where I was cantering and I felt free. I want that feeling back. And I accept that I could find it in other manners, possibly, but I am playing with how much heart and desire I have towards horses. Thus, I have to be honest with myself and acknowledge that horses are a big commitment, but I'm leaving the door open to whatever I decide.

They have been in and out of my life for years. I get into horses, I get out. But I know that I love them. They are beautiful creatures. I love people and I love animals. But I just am waiting until I know what feels right to me. If I get back into horses, I am going to do so because I want to, because it's fun, and because I love my horse and want to do right by him. I want to do things right. And I am going to respect myself too. I actually made a list of the ideas that scare me:

• Electric fences (my horse touching them while riding/ on line)
• Other horses near my horse (what if my horse reacts poorly? so alpha horses = scary in particular)
• My horse leading too far behind me (what if I get run over)
• Getting my foot caught in the stirrup and getting drug
• Saddling up my horse poorly and he is uncomfortable
• My horse stepping on his lead rope and freaking out (like Moose did)
• Sitting on the ground near my horse (what if I'm stepped on/ can’t get out of the way)
• Being out of control in general (More specifically, I feel out of control when 1 rein riding/ no rein riding: ok, I feel out of control when riding in general, which could be solved through a focus on getting my balance better)
• Being outside of our pasture with my horse

It's pretty extensive. And none of these ideas make me panic or sweat or anything, I just feel uncomfortable. But it is still fear. It would still cause me to be an ineffective leader for my horse. It is a mix of safety and trust issues, and I recognize as well that horses will always be horses and if I want to get back into the Parelli world, I do have to accept this fact. There will never be zero risk in being around horses. They are prey animals and accidents do happen. However, I also have a lot of control over my confidence and the situations that I expose myself to. If I want this, I could overcome it.

And to be honest with you, I feel like I do want it. I really do want that connection with a horse. That look and loving acceptance that tells you you're doing something right. That permission to be myself and not be judged. And the opportunity to grow even more as a person. I'm just so afraid of believing in myself, because I'm afraid of failing. What if I can't ever get over these fears? What if I am doomed to be the person stuck on the sidelines forever, loving horses from a distance? Or what if I get into horses again and decide that I want out immediately?

Tons of what-ifs. "Breathe, Erica. You know in your heart what you want." And I do. But fear is scary. It involves opening up and believing and exposing myself to risk. It's stepping outside of my comfort zone. And my logical brain would like to chip in here and add that "failure is good, that's how you learn." If I get back into horses, even a little bit and I can't get over these fears, so be it. I will have gained immense knowledge of myself and who I am. So it won't be for nothing. I will just feel like I have failed, but I can overcome that. Failure is learning, it's nothing to be afraid of.

On the other hand, what if I succeed? What if I get over all of these fears? What if I actually can accomplish my dream? What if I can get to canter, safely and with trust? What if I can develop an independent seat and be respected as a rider? What if I can be so much fun for my horse that he can't wait to be with me? And what if I can have so much fun with my horse that I'm no longer afraid? What if I could do that?

Hmmmm . . . . Lots to think about, for sure. I'll update again when I next feel like sharing :)

Until then, have a good one!!

--Erica

I know, I'm Horrible. But I'm still here . . . . Honest!

Been here 3 weeks and still no updates. Very sorry guys. I do check the blog every day, I seriously do, I just don't feel this inkling to write so haven't for a while. I've things written down in my journal, so there are many things to share though, so don't worry you'll still get some information.

So, ok, as far as things I've learned. Moose is a lot more extroverted than I thought. He is very clear, when I say "hey Moose, can we do this?" He goes "no." And he'll tell you VERY clearly, "no." That's more of an extroverted reaction. As a specific example, I'll ask him to turn to the left and he'll go right. It's an obedience issue, and according to Linda's horsenality information, that means he's actually being LBE. Wow, huh? I had him pegged as an introvert.

And so along with him being more extroverted, we had (kind of have) major steering issues. So it is being dominant, he goes no, my idea is better than yours. And so the appropriate strategy with this is "great idea, let's go!" and do more than he wants to do. Well, I realize I've been saying no to him a lot, but our riding has been greatly improving. We've been given the task (since I got here now, think, been here 3 weeks) of riding a circle around an object and this time I got on, we rode 1 circle at the walk without any steerin mishaps or goofing off or anything so I jumped off right away and ended it. That was fantastic. This was yesterday too, so we'll see how today goes.

And hmmm, what else? Well, as I announced before we passed our level 2, so are now officially playing in Level 3 On Line. Also, our freestyle is in Level 2. I'm very impressed because I've dreamed for a long time of the day I'm in Level 3, and now that it's here it's interesting to compare, because I don't feel like I know more. Moose still does things, and I still get frustrated, and I still look at him going "wow, I don't know what to do about that!" so nothing has really really changed in that point. It's just what we can do. We can do all these wonderful things that we couldn't do before, and our relationship has grown. That's the biggest thing. I'm still me and he's still him. We're working towards harmony, we've just moved up a rung on the ladder. Doesn't mean I'm suddenly a horse expert like I thought it would.

Also, gosh, what else to mention? I got to go to the Sioux Empire Fair. Watched my first beauty pageant, and I saw Miss South Dakota. Have eaten out the most in my life: 8x in 2 weeks. Have a lovely farmer's tan going on right now. Used clippers for my first time on a dog. Watched the maintenance guy rope chairs out of a pool ;) (soooo hilarious). Learning to trim feet. Saw what a South Dakota storm can do. Had horses stay here on their way to the Canadian Nationals. Went to a lake house in Minnesota. Ate a $9 burger. Saw the barn's Down's Syndrome daughter win Walk/Trot in honor of her horse that died last year a week before the Sioux Empire Fair. Went swimming a lot. Played with horses a lot. Done stalls a lot. Slept. Met new people. Oh, got my palm read. Had a bull whip cracking party until 11 at night ;). Cleaned the barn. Chased madly after a loose dachshund. Chased after 2 loose horses. Walked a lot of dogs. Attempted to make friends with the barn's dog Lucy who has been abused before she came here and is now not a fan of people.

So lots of new experiences. I've also learned I slouch when riding. I learned the power of passive persistance. I learned more about where the weight is on your horse, and why the change of direction is so powerful. Along with that, I learned the reason dressage has so many lateral maneuvers in it. I learned that every horse is an individual and needs to be treated as such. I learned that Moose is very weak, which is the reason he pulls on the rope when he canters on line. I learned how to fix that. I learned how to make progress basically.

I think that's mainly what it's come down to, is I've learned how to make progress again. I found out from being here that Moose and I are so much further than I thought we were, because we've been pushed to go further. Before I could just play in my comfort zone and do the same thing over and over again and no wonder we never went anywhere! I thought we were. I'd come inside going "guess how many laps we got today!" And it seemed like progress, but then I'd move onto something else and stop counting laps so we'd be right back where we started when I tried counting laps again. So, while here, we've tried new things. We've done the flank rope, we've done Zone 5 driving. Basically, we've really expanded into things I would never have thought of doing. It's kind of been like a 3 week clinic with Farrah, it's really been excellent. I think her forward thinking mind is very interesting.

Got a quick story. We were all outside playing with our horses, and one of the interns picked out a little mini to play with. One of the things Farrah told her was to see if she could sit on him, lay on him, just kind of be over him and things like that. So, I'm here playing with my horse and I hear a thud. Look over, and she's laying on the ground. She got bucked off! Since it was a mini, she was totally fine, but so she thought she couldn't go any further because she couldn't get on. Farrah goes, "well, see if you can put a barrel on him then". It's just contagious, I don't know how to explain it but I love it. She sees forward openings in everything. I told her about Bella and how she's pretty green and complicated and I want to help her riding but I'm not confident enough and she goes "Well, you can sit on her, can't you?" I go "yeah..." "Then go do that." Well, duh! If that's not obvious! I just love the way she thinks like that, because my brain goes "well, plan A failed, I'm stuck" and it doesn't have to be like that. There's always something else that you can do, something you can try, some way forward. Was watching the Savvy Club Circling DVD and in the Finesse portion Lauren Barwick is riding May Lee and talking about her ride on a voice over, and she mentions that her horse felt kind of stiff that day, but she wanted to do a pirouette. Well, she tried it but she didn't work, so instead of getting frustrated or mad or anything she said, "well, I KNOW we can do a walk pirouette" so she did that instead and then they both got what they wanted. It's a compromise.

Farrah had to teach me a concept to help me with Moose. She told me a story. "Ok, so let's say you and me are best friends. Really best friends. And say I want to go watch a movie, and you want to go play volleyball. Well, it's the first day, so you give in and say ok, we can go watch a movie. Then the next day, the same situation arises. You want to play volleyball, but I want to go watch a movie. Well, now we compromise and watch a movie about volleyball. Then, the next day maybe we go play volleyball for 5 minutes, and then go watch a movie. That's kind of the idea. You get to where you're so excited for those 5 minutes of volleyball and so pumped up so that I (AKA your horse) eventually start to like playing volleyball. Even if volleyball happens to be doing circles, or something really boring." And that's what I have to do with Moose is compromise. Because, see, he thinks his ideas are great. He wants to watch a movie, he loves movies, it's his most favorite thing in the world, and why would he think about playing volleyball? That's where we have to compromise, and I have to learn to cause my idea to become his idea.

Another week, possibly 2 actually, and I'll be headed home. It's been such a blast so far. Sometime I hope to bring my journal down here and type up some of the relevant notes i have written in there. Dunno if I'll actually get to it or not though.

Thanks Farrah!

A Story

The hours drip by like paint, dousing the tiny trailer which is practically falling apart with a sense of wisdom beyond its years. A man chewing gum with a golf cap on is familiar to that feeling. He has a sweaty horse called Moose on a lead rope. His eyes are about wrinkled shut with age, but his smiling face gives away his mood. He stands to the left of the trailer, and puts a feel on Moose's lead rope, urging him to come forward. Moose locks his feet and his eyes go wide and starry. There was no way that 2 legged thing was going to get him on that cage on wheels. The man shrugs and keeps the feel on. 2 minutes pass. 4. Then 7. At 10, he gracefully, while keeping the feel precisely the same, sinks down onto the trailer bumper feeling content to wait there all day. At 20 minutes, Moose's eyes soften, and the man releases the feel instantly. Moose just stands there, not even noticing. The man sits still for a moment, his breath the only sound in the air for a moment while the onlookers wait patiently. He then climbs to his feet, and walks to Moose, who tenses up at his approach. The man looks him in the eye, bends down and breathes into the horse's nostrils. Moose stands still as a statue. Then, the man asks for a chair. An audience member hands him one noiselessly. He drags it back to the trailer, dropping Moose's lead rope and letting him stand where he is.

He begins to whisper, "What are you seeing right now?" His voice grinds over the words like a jagged saw cutting wood.

A girl raises her hand. The man nods at her. She yells, "I see-"

The man puts a finger to his lips, then points at the horse.

"Sorry," the girl apologizes. "I don't see anything."

The man nods, as if he hearing what he expected to hear. "Anyone else?" No one else raises their hands. The man stands, and walks to the edge of the little corral he was in. He ducks under deftly and shuffles away. The audience members are stunned. The girl runs up to him.

"Uh, sir. . ." she twirls her hair nervously.

The man looked down at his watch as if surprised to find he had it on. "Lunch break. Be back in an hour." The audience members raised their eyebrows as he hobbled to his truck and drove away. They decided to leave Moose just as he was, and everyone went back to their cars to get their lunches. It was already late in the afternoon.

An hour later, the man pulled back up and wandered right back into the pen. No announcement we're starting. No words to anyone. Apparently the only person he needed to talk to was a horse. Moose perked up at seeing him duck under the corral rail. His eyes were brighter and he took a half step towards the man. The man stopped instantly, and walked right back out. He turned his back to the horse and addresses the reconvening crowd. "Do you see the difference now?" He smiled as he jerked his thumb over his shoulder at the now-curious horse. The onlookers were puzzled. Just looked like a horse to them.

The man turned around slowly to see the horse staring right at him. He went into the corral, and walked up to the horse. The horse took a hesitant step back. The man did too. Then he stepped forward again, and the horse stepped back. The horse ended up backing all over the corral. One step at a time. With Moose still keeping him the same distance away. After this went on for some time, the man stepped forward, and Moose stayed where he was. The man extended out his hand toward the horse's nose. Moose lowered his face and sniffed his hand. The man smiled and walked out of the corral. "Bathroom break."

A half hour later, the trailer loading started up again. Moose had been moving freely in the interim, and had started to pace the fence. He was looking for the funny man who he was starting to trust. Just as he got worried the man wasn't coming back, he spotted him ambling towards him. In no time, the man reached him, and this time Moose relaxed as he stroked his face. He lowered his head, and cocked a leg. The man grabbed a rope from outside the ring. Moose ignored the fact that it looked like a snake, and allowed the man to slip it over his head. The man walked away and Moose followed with no hesitation. There was no drag on the rope. The man walked in a few circles and then walked right up to the trailer. Moose hesitated when he felt the man put a little feel in the rope, directing him in. The man released the pressure as he saw Moose's indecision. He walked over to him and pet him, convincing Moose again that this man understood him. The man shuffled to his spot at the left of the trailer and sat down on the bumper again. He slowly took the slack out of the rope, and Moose strode right into the trailer.

The man cracked a smile. The horse was barely small enough to fit in the lousy thing. Then, much to the amazement of the audience, the man proceeded to load and unload Moose for the next half hour until it got so good that if you put one finger under the rope and pointed he would jump in. Once the man got Moose to do that, he loaded Moose one last time and shut the doors.

He took off his golf cap to expose a balding head of salt and pepper hair. He held the cap over his chest. "Any questions?" he coughed. The onlookers were stunned beyond words. They simply started at him. "Thanks for having me then." He shrugged the cap back onto his head and moseyed back to his own truck. He fired up the engine, and drove down the gravel driveway.

"Wait!" a girl yelled, running after him furiously. The man didn't stop. She screamed "WAIT!!!!" The truck puttered to a stop. Almost out of breath, the girl skipped over to the driver's seat. The man rolled down the window.
"Did I forget something?"
"Yeah," she panted. "You did. I have something to tell you."
"What might that be?" His eyes crinkled.
The girl turned to indicate the whole audience with her arms. "We couldn't see anything."
He shrugged. "I'm sorry to hear that." When the girl didn't reply, he started rolling up his window.
"Oh one more thing!" the girl yelled, pressing her hands against the window.
"Yes?"
The girl tilted her head to the side, playing with her bottom lip. "What did you do in there?"
The man's eyebrows raised. "I gained his trust. Told him I wasn't going to hurt him." The girl pondered his answer, and turned around to leave. The man raised his window, and left. The girl skipped back to the audience. A woman with short blonde hair approached her and mistook her pondering face for a sad one.

"Oh sweetie, it's alright, none of us saw anything either. Don't worry dear," she held out her hand for her daughter to grab. The girl latched on to it, jumping around as she walked.
"Did you know he can talk to horses?" she said eventually.
"Really?" Her daughter didn't see the doubt on her mother's face.
"Yeah. Said he told him he wouldn't hurt him." The daughter bounced around some more. She stopped and asked. "Can I learn to talk to them too mommy?"
The lady's face was blank as she answered "Sure, sweetie, whatever you'd like." She herded her bouncing daughter into the truck and sighed as the door clicked shut. She did not want to ruin her daughter's dreams, but that man would now have to be paid for 6 hours of work when it only really took him 10 minutes to get that horse in the trailer. Such a rip-off she sighed.

She then hopped into the truck, and they drove Moose home. "Could he teach me mommy?" her daughter's eyes glistened.
Mom looked back in the rear view mirror. "I'm sure he probably could," she smiled to her daughter, but frowned on the inside.
The girl giggled all the way home. When they arrived home, the mother took her phone outside and called the man right away. "I'd like to talk to you about price."
"Alright,"
"That was a 6 hour trailer loading, but you loaded my horse in 10 minutes. I'm not paying for 6 hours then." The mom was resolute.
"Then I have a proposal."
"What might that be?"
"Pay me for 10 minutes, and your daughter can come work off the other 5 hours and 45 minutes."
The mother sat down in a chair, sighing loudly. She did not want her daughter associating with this man, but it would make her so happy. Eventually, she agreed to it. As long as she came with though. The man said that was fine. Her daughter was ecstatic. The mother just hoped she was making the right choice.

Balance and Trust

I've discovered something about balance today. Moose and Bella have recently been put into another pasture to graze, since ours is bone-dry. The grass all died and went to heaven apparently, leaving our horses with hell on earth: no food. But, thankfully, with the use of this pasture they'll be fine.

So, anyways. I was ducking underneath the electric wire, and it hit me. Balance. How I was ducking under the fence, if I needed to stop suddenly because I was running over a horse's threshold, I couldn't! I needed to put my other foot down, I couldn't stay just as I was.

Another way of explaining: you know how we all want our horses to have go = woah? Well, humans need that too! I wasn't prepared in the proper position to help my horse, and I've come to the realization that this is a pattern in my life. With horses anyways. I feel like if someone was going to yell to me at sometime in our play session "STOP!" I couldn't do it, I'd probably trip over myself. It's finding the grace of movement, I guess that's how I'd explain it. You know when you see people who do Tai Chi or some kind of slow, but powerful martial arts every movement just feels very balanced and planned. I don't feel that way. My movements are clumsy and jerky. I'm the person who moves because they have to, as in the instance I talked about above. I get myself all tangled up so I have to move, so I couldn't be effective even if I wanted to. My timing and balance is off. So with is I was losing feel. Very good to know.

And I also discovered how Moose doesn't really trust me. Bella does, we are now on very good terms, but Moose has been holding back. I really thought about him today, and figured out he doesn't trust me. Not in the terms that he's an RBI and goes introverted within himself. No, like he's being stubborn about it. He's set in his ways. He's LBI about it, he's decided that people aren't something he wants to be involved with. I don't know what made him decide this, or if he was born that way, I have no idea. But I want him to trust me. And I now that in order for that to happen, he has to decide it himself.

With Bella, see, if you get in a tricky situation, she trusts me. If I were riding her (although I don't) and she got freaked out about something, I would be saying the equivalent of (or would WANT to anyways, because I doubt I could be so calm)"Bella, calm down. Trust me, you're going to live." Because that's what she needs to hear at that time: gentle, yet firm. But with Moose, If I got into a situation where he got scared, and I did the same thing, he wouldn't relax like Bella would, he'd go "No, I don't believe you." There is nothing I have that can make him trust me.

I remember reading in one of Mark Rashid's books once about a horse that was uncatchable. They turned it into a pasture for a few months. Huge pasture, lots of other horses. Everything was fine. Until one day they needed to halter all the horses to move them into another pasture. They caught every one of them just fine, except this horse. They walked out to catch it, the horse ran away. They said "alrighty then." And came out there every half hour or every hour afterwards to ask if it still didn't want to be caught. The horse was neighing and whinnying for its buddies like crazy. Eventually, since he realized he was getting nowhere, the horse let himself be caught. And he was never hard to catch anytime after that either.

See, he learned what he needed to learn. There was no opposition here. What, the fence for keeping him in? No, that's how humans think. We would blame the fence if we're trapped somewhere, but the horse was just fighting himself. He had a way out. And that's the kind of situation Moose needs to be in. He needs to learn that he's only inconveniencing himself by not trusting me. I can't force my hand, I can't change his mind. He has to change it. I could go out there with cookies or a whip and either bribe him or force him to trust me, but neither of those work. I want to offer myself up as a friend. I want to be his friend, and then once we can be friends and we trust each other, I can pursue more levels in Parelli. Because with him not trusting me, it's not fair of me to ask.

But yeah, so I don't get direct-lined about saying "trust me now!" to him, I thought of a quote. This also goes along with a story I just wrote which I may or may not post. The quote is: "You don't need to trust me completely: you got your whole lifetime for that. Right now I just need you to trust me enough to get in that trailer."

If my horse is my mirror . . .

What the HECK do I look like?!?!?

Oh, how I wish I could have someone videotape me during sessions! That would be SOOO beneficial! Especially today . . .

I had lessons today, so I couldn't play with the ponies for very long. I decided to just take one of them out and just let him/her graze. Well, Moose volunteered to be haltered (yippee!), so I attempted to take him out. We didn't make it past the gate. I hadn't noticed beforehand, but Moose has a threshold practically ON the gate to go outside (which basically shows how herd-bound he is). Therefore, I suspended all plans for outside activity and just went back inside the pasture. I can't deal with thresholds under pressure when I only had a limited time.

So, we went back in and just messed around for a little while. I checked out our Friendly, did a little Porcupine. Mostly, I just was trying to read him correctly, so we didn't get a whole lot done. But we really had a "HOW INTERESTING!!!!!!!!!!" moment. Moose tried to rub on me, and I immediately took it as dominance. So, I reacted with a strong Forehand driving game. I automatically regretted that: what if it ruined his confidence? But, then I tried a Friendly toss of the string over his back and he didn't care! And I mean really didn't care! He was too busy licking and chewing! He seriously was licking and chewing for at least 3 minutes straight! His head was down, and he kept licking over and over again. If he wasn't licking, his head was down and he was blowing. He blew for a long time, about every 45 seconds. He even moaned, hehe! Then, he started itching! *Lightbulb clicks on* I realized that Moose never itches on line. And so, that made me wonder if he was actually trying to be dominant in the first place!

So, I thought about the whole thing, and came up with the phrase "My horse is my mirror." Then, was Moose trying to tell me that I was hyped up, too? Because I know there have been times that I've been on more adrenaline that that! So, maybe he finally finished settling in or something, because he was really digesting a thought there! Or . . . he could've just been plain itchy!

My photography skills

I just thought I'd share a little bit of the pictures taken in the past few months of horse adventures. Not that I'm a good photographer or anything, but I think a few of them turned out really well!!

[caption id="attachment_343" align="alignnone" width="499" caption="This picture is of Junior, my ex-horse. We asked his new owner Barbara how he was doing a little bit ago, and she actually told us that he is up for sale!! So, Junior is currently in need of a home.  But, man . . . he looks SOOOO pretty in this picture! He never got that clean for me, lol! (all credit for this picture goes to Barbara)."][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_344" align="alignnone" width="500" caption="Here's Stella (name sound familiar? I wrote a post about her before)."][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_347" align="alignnone" width="500" caption="What do you think? Good . . . bad . . . ugly?"][/caption]

[caption id="attachment_348" align="alignnone" width="500" caption="Here is Indianna, the Friesian that was one of the runaways we 'rounded up'."][/caption]