Feel the Fear . . . And Do It Anyway

In the land of Parelli, this sort of phrase is not one that you will commonly find. Many horse lovers experience fear at some point in their lives, and a lot of people feel liberated that Parelli instead uses the principle of "approach and retreat" (or better: "retreat then re-approach) instead of just forcing people through their thresholds. However, I am finding that in my own life, the title may sometimes be the more appropriate thing to do.

As an example, in my life one of my goals is to develop a wider circle of friends. However, I find that many times when I am presented with an opportunity to make more friends, I tend to balk. I know what my goal is, but in the moment, my brain cannot process anything besides "ALERT: DISCOMFORT!" and I bow out. While it may make the discomfort go away, it doesn't help me reach my goal. So, maybe sometimes it would be more beneficial for me to just do it.

Another little thought: have you ever had someone who could see right through you? As in, they jumped right in and instantly blew apart your comfort zone? From time to time, I get people like that in my life. A few of my co-workers, actually, were pretty good at it (unknowingly). Usually I end up disliking people who make me feel so uncomfortable, but there was one guy at work named Jay who was pretty cool. He was extremely sociable and confident in himself and basically just thrust me into the world as if everything was easy breezy. I remember one day he ran outside of the dining room quick, because he thought he heard a gun shot, but upon realizing there was none, he turned to me and yelled "holy crap! Feel my chest! My heart's beating like crazy!" And I instantly withdrew, because I'm not comfortable doing that.

There was another guy I went to high school with, who for a time wanted to be friends with me. We were in a group together for a project and he got my number, asked me to hang out a few times (which I refused) and then quickly proclaimed that I was boring. I was pissed.
"I am NOT BORING!" I'd yell at him whenever he would tell me I was.
"Yeah?" He'd smirk. "Then what do you ever do for fun?" At my immediate glance away, he'd presume his victory and puff his chest out like a tom cat. But after a few days, he got bored with 'boring old me' and went back to talking to his friends during class. I don't think he even realizes that I still remember the encounter, because it did have an effect on me. He is SO opposite of me! Similar to my co-worker, he is loud, extremely obnoxious and social, yet intent on living it up. Literally, for me to even be near him is outside of my comfort zone. I don't know if he ever realized that.

Upon reflection, both of these individuals were good teachers for the times that they were in my life. They immediately honed in on areas where I'm uncomfortable and did a good job of making me feel that way. So while being uncomfortable feels horrible and awful, I realize now that being uncomfortable means that I'm growing. It's usually not something to be avoided like the plague. It's a good thing :)

So where are you letting fear stop you in your life? How can you be uncomfortable today?

Love,
Erica

To Be Happy . . . Or Not

You are the creator of your own reality

While I have heard this phrase many times, and even thought I knew what it meant in the past, I have to say that I was slightly mistaken. Have you ever really taken the time and thought about it? You are THE CREATOR of your own REALITY. So it's not your Mom, or your long-lost sister-in-law, or your pal Fido who's tweaking the gears on your life. It's YOU. YOU have complete and utter control of your own life.

Wow.

What a thought, huh?

So. . . What does this mean? Well, it means that we are responsible for our own lives. Another saying I've heard a billion times: life is 10% what happens to you and 90% what you make of it. Life is not about what happens to us. It's about what we do with what happens to us.

As you may imagine, for someone on the path of self-improvement, this was a huge wake-up call to me. I have actually had this realization in the past, but it has never sunk in to this extent before. I have a bad habit of bombarding myself with information and not actually taking the time it takes to actually use this information to improve my life. Basically, I spin my own wheels. "Oh, I'm improving! See, look at all this new information I found!" But as Parelliers say, knowledge starts at the eyebrows and then it filters downwards. Or another tidbit that I actually learned in my psychology class. Learning is defined as "a semi-permanent change in behavior resulting from experience." Therefore, even though I have found all this information, if I have not actually used it in my life, it is worthless to me. I have not learned anything. It simply serves to keep me stuck.

See the reason this is so incredible to me is that I have already known this. I have become more self-aware as of late, and I realized that I had to change. But I am afraid of the unknown. Going outside my comfort zone is scary. And so I would have a huge realization like this, write it down, but then not change anything in my lifestyle. . . .

Unfortunately, that is not how life works. If I want the life of my dreams, I am responsible for making it happen.

As an example, one of my goals in life is to be fit and active. All advice books out there anywhere would tell you that being active is huge for increasing your overall happiness level. I KNOW that. I've felt it myself when I do exercise. And unfortunately (or not . . . depending on whether you want to stay stuck), there will never be a note taped to my door "Erica - you should exercise now" and then I just get up and start exercising. What I'm saying is that the motivation for exercising has to come from inside and it has to come NOW.

Ok, spare me a moment, I'm going to go on a tangent for a second. It's along these lines, I promise. One of my HUGEST things in my life was, and continues to be, finding my passion. I feel as if I've looked up and down every nook and cranny of my life in order to find it (though that's not true). About every few months, I'd have a breakdown time where I'd be so frustrated and grovel "God, why can't you just TELL me what I'm meant to do?!? That would be SOOO much easier!" But I started to think about that. . . What if that actually did happen? Could you imagine? What if I woke up one morning with a voicemail, "Hey Erica, God speaking, just wanted to let you know that you should be XYZ. K love ya, bye!" It'd be absurd! What if I didn't have any interest in doing XYZ? Or what if I didn't do it on purpose, just to see what would happen? So I realized that having someone tell me what to do wouldn't work at all. It truly does have to come from inside.

To be honest, I tell you all this with a weary heart. I would compare myself (minimally) to someone with a disease who is now told that they are cured but doesn't feel happy at this revelation. It is a wonderful thing to know, because now I am literally free to do as I please! The world is mine! But it makes me sad. I was so comfortable in the unhappiness of my old life. Was I happy? No. But I have gotten used to the discomfort. Kind of sad, right?

Anyways, I thought I would post about it and tell you all so that I am more accountable. A small part of me is tempted to just file this information away yet again so that I can play the victim once more in my life. . . However . . . that WILL NOT lead me to the life that I want to live.

So, here's to learning! And change! And being uncomfortable!

Love,
Erica

P.S. There's more to this story. I didn't go into it here, but there's a book in particular that caused a big part of this revelation and I will share it with you in another post :)

P.P.S. Also, I have yet to tell you about this wonderful self-love course that I am currently a part of . . . So stay tuned ;)