In the land of Parelli, this sort of phrase is not one that you will commonly find. Many horse lovers experience fear at some point in their lives, and a lot of people feel liberated that Parelli instead uses the principle of "approach and retreat" (or better: "retreat then re-approach) instead of just forcing people through their thresholds. However, I am finding that in my own life, the title may sometimes be the more appropriate thing to do.
As an example, in my life one of my goals is to develop a wider circle of friends. However, I find that many times when I am presented with an opportunity to make more friends, I tend to balk. I know what my goal is, but in the moment, my brain cannot process anything besides "ALERT: DISCOMFORT!" and I bow out. While it may make the discomfort go away, it doesn't help me reach my goal. So, maybe sometimes it would be more beneficial for me to just do it.
Another little thought: have you ever had someone who could see right through you? As in, they jumped right in and instantly blew apart your comfort zone? From time to time, I get people like that in my life. A few of my co-workers, actually, were pretty good at it (unknowingly). Usually I end up disliking people who make me feel so uncomfortable, but there was one guy at work named Jay who was pretty cool. He was extremely sociable and confident in himself and basically just thrust me into the world as if everything was easy breezy. I remember one day he ran outside of the dining room quick, because he thought he heard a gun shot, but upon realizing there was none, he turned to me and yelled "holy crap! Feel my chest! My heart's beating like crazy!" And I instantly withdrew, because I'm not comfortable doing that.
There was another guy I went to high school with, who for a time wanted to be friends with me. We were in a group together for a project and he got my number, asked me to hang out a few times (which I refused) and then quickly proclaimed that I was boring. I was pissed.
"I am NOT BORING!" I'd yell at him whenever he would tell me I was.
"Yeah?" He'd smirk. "Then what do you ever do for fun?" At my immediate glance away, he'd presume his victory and puff his chest out like a tom cat. But after a few days, he got bored with 'boring old me' and went back to talking to his friends during class. I don't think he even realizes that I still remember the encounter, because it did have an effect on me. He is SO opposite of me! Similar to my co-worker, he is loud, extremely obnoxious and social, yet intent on living it up. Literally, for me to even be near him is outside of my comfort zone. I don't know if he ever realized that.
Upon reflection, both of these individuals were good teachers for the times that they were in my life. They immediately honed in on areas where I'm uncomfortable and did a good job of making me feel that way. So while being uncomfortable feels horrible and awful, I realize now that being uncomfortable means that I'm growing. It's usually not something to be avoided like the plague. It's a good thing :)
So where are you letting fear stop you in your life? How can you be uncomfortable today?
Love,
Erica
Showing posts with label learning. Show all posts
Showing posts with label learning. Show all posts
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Learning Lots
Well, you can kind of ignore that last post, because today I had a few epiphanies that totally kicked my feelings yesterday to the curb.
I learned that having a focus is incredible. Like I said yesterday, I felt lost. Things just weren't working so well. Well, I learned today that part of the reason I felt we don't go anywhere is because I have forgotten to make programs. If Moose has a problem with something, I stop and attempt to fix it, but I have the attitude of fixing it today, instead of just rewarding the slightest try and making a program out of it.
Also, today I learned that in order to to lead by the leg, it really helps if he knows that when you put pressure on his leg, that means lift it. I taught Moose that today on accident, and then leading by the leg was almost flawless. Also, I learned to make the right thing easy and wrong things uncomfortable, but then KEEP THE CONFIDENCE. I made the wrong things too uncomfortable, it seemed, and then Moose couldn't come to me. So, I sat down and waited for him instead of making him come to me.
And I learned to be fascinated with lightness. Moose was distracted by something off in the distance and along with bumping his head back to me, I asked him to lower his head. Normally, I am way too rough with this, and I can never time it right. It's just resistance on resistance. Well, today I decided to do something else about that. (I was sitting on a barrel at the time, btw.) I put the rope between my pointer and thumb, then started adding fingers one by one. When I got my whole hand on the rope, instead of making a fist and pulling down -this inhibiting my ability to open my hand fast- I just held my fingers like they were, and added some downward pressure. If he didn't respond, I started moving my hand back and forth, because even if I can't get his head to go down, I bet I can move it. So, then my release was a lot faster, and it was very interesting. Eventually I went to touch the rope, and his head came down, and went all the way to the ground. Talk about cool! So, I'm learning that it is a game of how little can you do and get the response. Pretty neat stuff.
On the personal development side, I was reading an article yesterday out of the Savvy Times (think it was from '05?) that said that one of the things people do at the centers is play volleyball, and the only rule is that the ball has to keep moving. You can use whatever limbs you'd like to accomplish that. When I read it, my first thought was when I played that at the neighbor's house. I was in volleyball the year before, and so knew all the rules and such, and everyone else was 'cheating' by not hitting the ball right. I got annoyed with them. And so I went "how interesting!" I learned that I like playing by the rules! It's like I need some kind of a focus, it doesn't necessarily need to be step by step, but at least so that I have a few "oh, well if this happens, do ___" type things. Like I remember playing badminton in gym class, and that worked well for me, because you have an in and an out. The line was in. If there's a dispute as to if it's in or out, then re-do it. It was fairly black and white: not that there wasn't a gray area, but if you found one, just re-do it. That was really something to lick and chew on. I don't consider myself a very black and white person, or else I'd be doing Clinton Anderson's stuff instead of Parelli, but I guess I was getting a little sick of having so much gray area and not knowing what to do. Then, I start over-analyzing, and getting stuck again, and the whole big charade. So, how interesting!
And, I found out that the bareback pad I have for Moose slips backwards on him. The pad did that to him before whenever I would saddle him, and now the pad does the same thing. But the interesting thing is that today we only did walk and back-up as our gaits. No Circling Game at all. So, I guess we're going to have to find some other pad to keep the bareback pad in place, because the only reason it slips is because it wants to lay behind Moose's withers, not over them a little bit like I want it (Moose's got big, longish withers). I want to have it placed so I'm sitting in the middle of the pad, and not the very front of it.
So, for the past week or so, I have been putting the bareback pad on every day. I haven't ridden him since Monday, but that's alright. It's good for him to wear it, is my philosophy. And now, I just had another epiphany. The thing that caused all this lead by the leg stuff today was that Moose kept backing up when I wiggled the rope around his leg. I was just trying to do Friendly, and he kept backing. Talk about connect the dots. I just realized that THAT is why he won't back up for me at Liberty. He thinks backing up is wiggling a rope, not my energy moving him back/finger wiggling (even though that's what I do on line, is just wiggle my finger and he moves back. . . have to look into that one more. . .). So, now I think I'm going to try to play with this some more and see if we can get it to where I can wiggle all kinds of ropes and he doesn't back up unless my energy is up. This will be good for me, too, because I need to start distinguishing that within myself, because my energy is usually down, and I'm starting to think I don't raise it often enough.
But yeah, I'm sure you can tell by reading my blog posts that I tend to be a kind of sporadic thinker. I get most of my epiphanies from talking to my mom and recounting to her how the play with Moose went that day. It's like I need to talk to think, sometimes. I've thought about getting a tape recorder and just recording myself talk, but I'm not sure if that will feel the same. Yeah, just got side-tracked. Well, my point is that if this is how I think, imagine how Moose feels when this sporadic person walks outside to try to teach him. I was explaining to my mom yesterday how I feel like I'm trying to teach him Science, Reading, Writing, Math, Social Studies, Spanish, and Music (the 7 games) all at once, instead of isolating, separating and recombining like I should be. I should be dedicating time to one task, then to another, then to another, instead of just trying to fit every single game into one 2 hour play session. This came about by me hearing that some girl was just filming her Level 3 on line, and she only plays with her horse like 10-20 minutes per week. She's had him for somewhere between 3-5 years, can't exactly remember. But if you do that math, that adds up to around 9 hours of play time per year. PER YEAR. Moose and I have a grand total of around 500 hours. And we're in Level 2. And I owned him for 1 year. So, my question was how in the world did this girl do it? Quality of time spent, not quantity. I've got plenty of time, I just don't use it well. I do whatever random thing pops into my head at that moment. I usually don't play off of what we did yesterday, so there is never a continuation of learning. It's like everything is its own entity, nothing is connected to anything else. Then, in essence, I am not creating a foundation, since there is no purpose, and without purpose I'm sure Moose lacks understanding.
Jeez, how much horses have to teach us! I look forward to more lessons from Moose tomorrow.
Savvy up!
I learned that having a focus is incredible. Like I said yesterday, I felt lost. Things just weren't working so well. Well, I learned today that part of the reason I felt we don't go anywhere is because I have forgotten to make programs. If Moose has a problem with something, I stop and attempt to fix it, but I have the attitude of fixing it today, instead of just rewarding the slightest try and making a program out of it.
Also, today I learned that in order to to lead by the leg, it really helps if he knows that when you put pressure on his leg, that means lift it. I taught Moose that today on accident, and then leading by the leg was almost flawless. Also, I learned to make the right thing easy and wrong things uncomfortable, but then KEEP THE CONFIDENCE. I made the wrong things too uncomfortable, it seemed, and then Moose couldn't come to me. So, I sat down and waited for him instead of making him come to me.
And I learned to be fascinated with lightness. Moose was distracted by something off in the distance and along with bumping his head back to me, I asked him to lower his head. Normally, I am way too rough with this, and I can never time it right. It's just resistance on resistance. Well, today I decided to do something else about that. (I was sitting on a barrel at the time, btw.) I put the rope between my pointer and thumb, then started adding fingers one by one. When I got my whole hand on the rope, instead of making a fist and pulling down -this inhibiting my ability to open my hand fast- I just held my fingers like they were, and added some downward pressure. If he didn't respond, I started moving my hand back and forth, because even if I can't get his head to go down, I bet I can move it. So, then my release was a lot faster, and it was very interesting. Eventually I went to touch the rope, and his head came down, and went all the way to the ground. Talk about cool! So, I'm learning that it is a game of how little can you do and get the response. Pretty neat stuff.
On the personal development side, I was reading an article yesterday out of the Savvy Times (think it was from '05?) that said that one of the things people do at the centers is play volleyball, and the only rule is that the ball has to keep moving. You can use whatever limbs you'd like to accomplish that. When I read it, my first thought was when I played that at the neighbor's house. I was in volleyball the year before, and so knew all the rules and such, and everyone else was 'cheating' by not hitting the ball right. I got annoyed with them. And so I went "how interesting!" I learned that I like playing by the rules! It's like I need some kind of a focus, it doesn't necessarily need to be step by step, but at least so that I have a few "oh, well if this happens, do ___" type things. Like I remember playing badminton in gym class, and that worked well for me, because you have an in and an out. The line was in. If there's a dispute as to if it's in or out, then re-do it. It was fairly black and white: not that there wasn't a gray area, but if you found one, just re-do it. That was really something to lick and chew on. I don't consider myself a very black and white person, or else I'd be doing Clinton Anderson's stuff instead of Parelli, but I guess I was getting a little sick of having so much gray area and not knowing what to do. Then, I start over-analyzing, and getting stuck again, and the whole big charade. So, how interesting!
And, I found out that the bareback pad I have for Moose slips backwards on him. The pad did that to him before whenever I would saddle him, and now the pad does the same thing. But the interesting thing is that today we only did walk and back-up as our gaits. No Circling Game at all. So, I guess we're going to have to find some other pad to keep the bareback pad in place, because the only reason it slips is because it wants to lay behind Moose's withers, not over them a little bit like I want it (Moose's got big, longish withers). I want to have it placed so I'm sitting in the middle of the pad, and not the very front of it.
So, for the past week or so, I have been putting the bareback pad on every day. I haven't ridden him since Monday, but that's alright. It's good for him to wear it, is my philosophy. And now, I just had another epiphany. The thing that caused all this lead by the leg stuff today was that Moose kept backing up when I wiggled the rope around his leg. I was just trying to do Friendly, and he kept backing. Talk about connect the dots. I just realized that THAT is why he won't back up for me at Liberty. He thinks backing up is wiggling a rope, not my energy moving him back/finger wiggling (even though that's what I do on line, is just wiggle my finger and he moves back. . . have to look into that one more. . .). So, now I think I'm going to try to play with this some more and see if we can get it to where I can wiggle all kinds of ropes and he doesn't back up unless my energy is up. This will be good for me, too, because I need to start distinguishing that within myself, because my energy is usually down, and I'm starting to think I don't raise it often enough.
But yeah, I'm sure you can tell by reading my blog posts that I tend to be a kind of sporadic thinker. I get most of my epiphanies from talking to my mom and recounting to her how the play with Moose went that day. It's like I need to talk to think, sometimes. I've thought about getting a tape recorder and just recording myself talk, but I'm not sure if that will feel the same. Yeah, just got side-tracked. Well, my point is that if this is how I think, imagine how Moose feels when this sporadic person walks outside to try to teach him. I was explaining to my mom yesterday how I feel like I'm trying to teach him Science, Reading, Writing, Math, Social Studies, Spanish, and Music (the 7 games) all at once, instead of isolating, separating and recombining like I should be. I should be dedicating time to one task, then to another, then to another, instead of just trying to fit every single game into one 2 hour play session. This came about by me hearing that some girl was just filming her Level 3 on line, and she only plays with her horse like 10-20 minutes per week. She's had him for somewhere between 3-5 years, can't exactly remember. But if you do that math, that adds up to around 9 hours of play time per year. PER YEAR. Moose and I have a grand total of around 500 hours. And we're in Level 2. And I owned him for 1 year. So, my question was how in the world did this girl do it? Quality of time spent, not quantity. I've got plenty of time, I just don't use it well. I do whatever random thing pops into my head at that moment. I usually don't play off of what we did yesterday, so there is never a continuation of learning. It's like everything is its own entity, nothing is connected to anything else. Then, in essence, I am not creating a foundation, since there is no purpose, and without purpose I'm sure Moose lacks understanding.
Jeez, how much horses have to teach us! I look forward to more lessons from Moose tomorrow.
Savvy up!
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Lesson learned
Okay, so when I get up in the morning (and when I go to bed at night) I always listen to my radio. That's just how I am. Well, over the past few months my radio has been working less and less consistently. In the mornings and nights, it usually always works. But in the middle of the day, if I try to turn it on it won't work.
I've had this radio for about 4 years now, so I was just thinking it's old. Lately, it's been getting quite erratic and it's really annoying. I'll go in to clean my room and I want to listen to music. I can tell you that's very difficult if the thing is not going to turn on!!!
Well, I woke up this morning, and my mom happened to mention to my brother that the lights had to be on in order for the radio to work. I was astounded!! I had been thinking I was going to replace it now for about a month or two, and suddenly it makes perfect sense. It works in the morning and night, because it's usually dark and so we turn the lights on. So, my mom had just caught onto the pattern that I had completely missed!! And sure enough, I checked the wiring and the radio is plugged into the circuit that turns on with the lights. "How interesting!!"
But I guess I can relate this to horses in that we tend to see the behavior and not the reason behind it. For instance, most people who have a horse that rears will say "My horse rears. How can I make him stop?" instead of asking "Why does my horse rear?". Maybe that horse is in pain, maybe he's not confident, there's thousands of reasons! So, in order to fix the symptom, you have to get rid of the cause!
I've had this radio for about 4 years now, so I was just thinking it's old. Lately, it's been getting quite erratic and it's really annoying. I'll go in to clean my room and I want to listen to music. I can tell you that's very difficult if the thing is not going to turn on!!!
Well, I woke up this morning, and my mom happened to mention to my brother that the lights had to be on in order for the radio to work. I was astounded!! I had been thinking I was going to replace it now for about a month or two, and suddenly it makes perfect sense. It works in the morning and night, because it's usually dark and so we turn the lights on. So, my mom had just caught onto the pattern that I had completely missed!! And sure enough, I checked the wiring and the radio is plugged into the circuit that turns on with the lights. "How interesting!!"
But I guess I can relate this to horses in that we tend to see the behavior and not the reason behind it. For instance, most people who have a horse that rears will say "My horse rears. How can I make him stop?" instead of asking "Why does my horse rear?". Maybe that horse is in pain, maybe he's not confident, there's thousands of reasons! So, in order to fix the symptom, you have to get rid of the cause!
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