This is MY Life

Been working a lot recently, so just went outside with the horse today to play for the first time in about a month. Had a good time, really learned a lot. Few thing that I learned today:

1. Fix one thing at a time. If we're playing with some maneuver and some other game breaks, fix that FIRST and then go back to what you're doing. I have a habit of just trying to make it all work.
2. I treat Moose a lot like how I DON'T want to be treated: someone with a lot of expectations that is never satisfied. Just a "how interesting!"
3. Need a lot of Friendly Game with me on his back, just hanging out. I want to get to where he likes me being up there.
4. He has gotten SOOOOO much better at cantering! He read my mind actually. I asked him to trot, and he went and cantered a lap. It was amazing! I think this month off has really gotten him used to cantering around the pasture a bit, because it was so much easier for him today than it normally is.

I also has a huge BFO yesterday, Easter of all days. I had a really nice Easter, hope you all did as well. :) So, when I went home I started ranting about relationship issues with a friend of mine. And I got really angry. For the record, I am rarely ever angry. I hopped on the computer and started talking to a friend of mine and had a huge realization. Basically, I need to, and it's ok to, set boundaries with people. In horse terms, I don't ever phase 4 my friends! Ever! This was huge to me. I basically let people walk all over me. So here is what I leaned from that night:

• I need to set boundaries with people.
• Be gentle without being a wimp, but be firm without being mean or mad.
• I can be firm and that’ll be ok. I don’t have to be a dictator, but it’s perfectly alright to have expectations of people.
• Whatever happens, happens.
• I CAN NOT control what others think of me. That is out of my control. So there is no use adjusting my actions for an expected response from someone.
• It’s OK to have people mad at me. That’s alright. In fact it may be healthy. I can’t control them. But I can stand up for myself. And it’s ok to do that. (I hate it when people are mad at me)
• I have the POWER to change my life
• I don’t have to put up with this kind of stuff from people. I can expect things from people and that’s ok. At the moment, people walk all over me.
• It’s a respect issue. I’m afraid to phase 4 ppl because I don’t want to hurt their feelings. But I need to do this sometimes for my own sake. This is MY life. Not theirs.

Very good realizations overall. Today, after this idea has had a quick smidgeon of time to settle in, it's been interesting to see how I have already applied it. I already feel more satisfied with myself, and a lot happier. I told my friend that I would like them to step it up a little bit, and so far no response, but I feel much better. Time for me to put myself first.

Enjoy the nice weather today everyone! :)

Have fun horsin around! :)

Thinking Abounds

I never finished my above story. Basically, I was out with Moose for about 15 mins, and it was so awesome all that he taught me. He basically showed me that I was treating him as a mirror image of a guy I have recently been talking to. Just awesome stuff. It hit me like a slap in the face haha.

And then today, I realized something else. I've been on a slippery slope with one of my friends recently, and today it came to me that I wasn't treating her right. One of the Parelli-isms I've heard before is that the horse is perfect, it's us that have to change. And this was exactly what I was doing the opposite of. I kept telling her to change and she was getting sick of it. And all of a sudden, bam, haha oops I'm sorry. So I apologized and things should improve between us. She may not be a horse, or a horse-friend, but Parelli really does apply itself to life in so many different ways.

Ladies and Gentleman

I had something of another huge realization today. PUT THE RELATIONSHIP FIRST! This is so huge, such a huge principle, yet somehow I forgot about it.

In all of my relationship with my horse, I've felt pressured. Always. Ever since I told everyone I want to be a horse trainer, I've been pressured. Pressured to be someone I'm not, and do something I could not do. So, I ended up not liking myself very much. "I must not be good enough, someone else should try." "Well, maybe this person will help me figure it out." "I don't know the problem, I've tried, why can't anyone help me?!?"

I took it out on others. I knew the answer inside, but I wouldn't let myself find it. I realize today that I'm very very good at lying to myself. I'm an expert at denial/ focusing on the problem. "Oh, no, I'm not doing that at all." "But you see, here's why that won't work." etc.

I've lost the fun of it all. Because I've been on a time-line. I've said Moose, by X time we need to be doing A, B, C and you're going to love it! And X = yesterday. See how that doesn't compute? :) I forgot about the rapport. It went out the window. I've literally forgot to be my horse's friend, first and foremost. I've been so focused on progress that I didn't even acknowledge his opinion.

And this is where the lying to myself part comes in. I'd approach Moose, he'd look like he was going to leave, so I'd go "no no no, you don't have to leave." And proceed to halter him. My horse was telling me "no" but in my mind, I was thinking "well he's not doing anything drastic, I must be doing alright." And well he wasn't. But that's why it's the little things that count the most.

And I also just realized I shouldn't berate myself like this. I have a realization and then I go "holy smokes look how terrible I've been" but that doesn't help my confidence level either (and thinking about it, I think I do this a lot, actually). I'm not going to erase all I've typed above, else I wouldn't rewrite it, but I'm going to look at things in a more positive light from now on. The above isn't very healthy, especially for a positive, progressive and natural blog.

With that in mind: So, what did I learn today?

• It's not about the ______, it's about the RELATIONSHIP
• My horse is my mirror
• This is a partnership
• Rapport, Respect, Impulsion, Flexion - I have to be my horse's FRIEND first and foremost, and this goes for any horse.
• Respect my horse - the point of this program is to give them a voice, so you know how to be a better person.
• I have to get the 'want to.'
• Cause your ideas to be your horse's ideas, but UNDERSTAND your horse's ideas first.
• I thought of Monty Roberts as well, how he claimed if you do things right by a horse, he would rather be with you than his buddies."If you love him, set him free. If he comes back to you, he's yours. If he doesn't, it wasn't mean to be."
• Match his energy plus 4 oz.
• ACCEPT where I'm at.
• Being with my horse means just that. BEING. Not wishing, or wanting, or impatienting. BEING.
• Friendly game with your horse is the human equivalent of talking, getting to know someone. That's why it's so important.
• Goals are good, but not so high that they aren't achievable. Don't expect too much. Have a plan, but be adaptable. For me, high expectations are something to steer clear of right now.

I'll let you know if I think of any more. But look how much is to be learned in 15 mins!! And I didn't even get to the relation to human life :)

Questions and Answers

Today went well. We got a huge storm the other day, so our ground is sadly covered with snow again. I've been struggling with interpreting some horsemanship advice I got from a friend regarding picking up Moose's feet, so I haven't played with that since early last week.

Here is a snippet of the e-mail I received:

When I look at your situation, there are a few Parelli-isms that come to mind that I think would be useful for you to ponder.

#1) "If your horse says 'no', you either asked the wrong question, or you asked the question wrong."

#2) "Do your thinking at night, and your feeling during the day."

#3) "It's not about the_______"

#4) Pat's definition of Respect: The Appropriate response to the appropriate application of pressure.

#5) Isolate, Separate, and Recombine

What I'd be looking to is what am I doing to cause this? What is it in ME that is causing my horse to react the way he is? Remember that the horse is perfect, it's up to us to help him understand what we want.

That being said, I think you're right on, in that it's a respect thing. But looking through that filter, what is it that you're doing to cause the disrespectful response?

Another filter to look through is that of the 8 Principles.  Have you ever actually sat down and read them and taken into account what they mean? Massively deep stuff. And usually, if there's something amiss in the partnership, it's rooted in one of the 8 Principles. That's why this program is so genius. It's categorically put into a system (Pat's an LBI, can ya tell? Ha!) that you can use to filter your results (or lack thereof).

Yet another way to look at it is through the 7 games. Which game is broken? How can I help that game become better while remaining in a leadership position and putting the relationship first?
So I've had this congregating in the back of my mind for about a week now, with not a lot of luck.

I wasn't really sure what I was going to do with Moose today.We ended up playing a lot of touch it. It went really well. I revved up my leadership skills a little bit, and got some nice ears forward from Moose and a very lovely responsive horse as well. But then it got wierd, because as things were really nice, ALL OF A SUDDEN FOR NO REASON AT ALL he decided to canter around like a mad man. Now I had had a thought in my head to have him circle at a trot, and see if he would canter right before he started doing this. So, I am not sure if he s reading my mind or this was a form of freak out. Because my options are either A) RB panic attack or B) LB temper tantrum. He didn't look RB, so that's not it. So, either he was reading my mind, or it was a temper tantrum. But, it's funny, because I broke down for a minute there. "My poor horse, what have I done to you? Now you probably hate me!" So I started to get all sad and was thinking I would probably have to stop playing with him, because I was becoming helpless. But, Parelli came to my rescue. I remembered a quote I had been reminded to think about in the e-mail above: "Do you feeling during the day, your thinking at night." Oops. I was thinking. (Haha bad Erica bad). I then just chalked his behavior up to "how interesting!" and moved on.

Anyways, it was the reminder I needed. I perked right back up and realized I was making a big fuss out of nothing. I backed him up, and he was the lightest he's EVER been with his ears forward. I have got to be doing something right. So we did sideways along the fence and I had a realization. One of the things that might help our freestyle is getting our sideways better. If he can maintain the bend in his body where I ask, it's much more likely I'll be able to direct him where I want him to go. So I figure I should start being more particular about that and see where that takes us.

And then the farrier came and did Moose's feet. I found out it wouldn't be a good idea to get Moose shod, instead it'd be best just to buy him boots. And I asked her about a crack in his foot that had made him lame before (it was a cut growing out) and she said not to worry about it. So I'm happy to hear that. Also, I asked her about a lump he has on his throat that's concerned me for some time, and she said not to worry about it as well. Probably just ask the vet. And I looked up some information about it and it doesn't seem very serious. Which is definitely good news.

Change for the better

So I've been having some super huge revelations recently, in regards to my whole life, and I can tell a major change is happening around me right now. I'm going through that time where I'm finally starting to really GET it. It's taken 4 years, and I'm finally turning loose to the program.

I don't feel like blogging right now or I'd tell you more. Hopefully sometime I'll fill you in. But know that's what's going on at the moment.

A True Partnership

I can't believe I played with Moose for 2 hours today! But the clock doesn't lie. . . Just amazing. It seriously felt like 45 mins :) time flies when you're having fun.

But anyways, today was terrific. I was originally very direct line (what a nice day! we should go riding!) but then as soon as I saw what effect it was having on Moose I quit, and decided to instead focus on getting him to participate in what I would like him to do. So I waited until he could follow me at liberty to where I wanted to play. And once he could do that, I brushed him and haltered him up. Then I trimmed his back hoof a tad, but he got impatient and my back was hurting so not for long. Since I brought the bareback pad out, I decided to play with that a little. And I also learned an important lesson: don't let your horse chew on the leather straps that tie up your girth on the bareback pad. Mine now have chew marks on them. Haha so much for keeping it in good condition.

But yes, the bareback pad. I put it on and then Moose got really 'sleepy,' and I'm going to guess he got introverted. I asked him to come to me and he was stuck, he couldn't move his feet, it was like he was dazed. So, I took it off and had him move 2 laps at the trot.

Then, we repeated this for the rest of the time. I'd put the bareback pad on, have him move a little with it, see how comfortable he was, and then ask him to trot 2 laps so he'd get any introvertedness out of his system. He started asking questions, too, which was awesome. The last time I had him do his 2 laps, he blew out and followed me back to the bareback pad with all 22' of the line on the ground, and I sent him to the bareback pad and he touched it. It was a very harmonious feeling. I felt the beginnings of a true partnership right there. Terrific day.

No Thanks

Moose and I were in for a nice day. Sun was shining, birds chirping. Just that lovely kind of weather that screams "horses!!!" at us horse lunatics. So, it was no wonder I had Moose on a lead rope, 'chomping at the bit' to get something done with him.

And that thing just so happened to be on our plan, picking up his feet! Yesterday went absolutely fantastic, so I hoped today would be just as good. And it would have been, if not for a reluctance on Moose's part to pick up said foot. We ended up doing circles and changes of direction like crazy. He kicked out twice in an attempt to show his defiant side. But it was very interesting for 2 reasons.

1. I was more of a leader today than normal. And Moose responded by, when Circling, always hitting a spot (not every time) where he'd immediately stop and start pawing frantically or rubbing his head on his leg. He has rubbed his head on his leg a lot, I always assumed him itchy. But it normally does cause him to lick his lips, and in this case, it did as well. He also blew out, too, when he was done with it. So what I want to know is, is this behavior RBI at a threshold? Or what do I do with it?
2. My leadership wanes. Today I was more of a leader, but I still start to crumble with time. I don't like conflict, I highly dislike people being mad at me. So I rarely push Moose, else he'll 'get mad' at me. But I realized after our playing today that horses don't think like people. It's only in my head that I'm being 'nice.' And only in our heads that I need to be 'bossy' as well. Just an observation.
3. Is there anything I can do to better prepare Moose to pick his feet up? Am I skipping steps?

I sent an e-mail to a friend regarding this, so we'll see what she says. Kinda confuzzled.