Day 2 - Favorite Savvy

What is your favorite savvy and why?

My favorite savvy would probably have to be Freestyle. I really like riding, and since I haven't gotten to any Finesse yet I can't really say that's my favorite. I think Liberty is amazing, too, it's just in my head I guess nothing compares to being on horseback, that's the creme-de-la-creme. Moose and I usually play on line though.

PNH 30 Day Blogger Challenge

And As of today, I will be starting the PNH Blog challenge. It's an attempt to to keep us blogging every day. Now, this week is going to be exceptionally busy for me, but I will do my best to keep up with it. Yay for motivation!

Day 1 - How did you find PNH? 
 I found PNH through a boarder at our house. She actually introduced my family to it, and I just gobbled it up. The DVDs made so much sense to me. To be honest, it's really hard for me to remember what it was like to learn how to do it. It was just like I saw the DVDs and pamphlets and then I was doing PNH. So there wasn't really much of a before and after for me lol.

Yup. . . I'm not dead

Yes, I would like to apologize. I royally broke my own rule. Haha sorry. I always tried to keep up with blogging at least once a month, that was my goal. But I missed December man. . . Darn it!

But I assure you I am here, and I did not forget about the blog. I just felt like I had nothing to say. Things have been pretty chill with Moose recently I didn't feel like I had anything to talk about.

I've been thinking about my future a lot recently, and trying to decide what to do. I'm getting involved in some other activities that are going to take away sometime with the horses to see if that ups my motivation. Because I have been very unmotivated recently. And surely, if this is what I want to do for the rest of my life, I can muster up the motivation to go play with my horsey. . . surely. . . right?

But ah, well I guess only time will tell there. I'm afraid my answer to that question will be no. But then, I don't think I can ever leave Parelli. It confuses me. So I think my answer has to be to give myself permission to figure things out. I don't want to get out of Parelli, but I don't think I would succeed as an instructor. Well, I haven't even given a lesson yet! That's no way to compare. So, for now, I just need to remember if I don't want to be a PP I don't have to. I can just have horses as a hobby and go from there. Because that's perfectly ok too.

I found this website online that gave me a personality profile and it was incredibly accurate:

How You Approach Life and How You Appear To Others

    Modest, unobtrusive, and often rather quiet or shy, you are a person who is content to be in the background or to serve as an assistant, in the supporting role rather than in the lead. You are quite humble in your own assessment of yourself and you have a very strong perfectionistic attitude, with a tendency to be overly self-critical. No matter how well you do something, you always see the flaws in it and how it could be improved. Often you will simply refuse to attempt something because you feel you cannot meet your own high standards.

That's pretty much all my negative traits wrapped up in a bundle. But it describes me like right on, that being said.  

It's something Farrah said to me that rings completely true. When I was doing an exercise with Moose, she told me I was extremely particular, like level 4 particular. It's not like I do it on purpose, but I have very high standard of what I accept. I mean, really, take a look at my little brother for instance. I can hardly stand him sometimes because everything he does is wrong. Now, if he were a horse, how successful do you think he would feel right about now? I do nothing but nag him. . . Oops. 

For instance. . . he walks too loud. And no I am not making this up. He pounds his feet. Like really hard. And it bugs me, not like a pet peeve, but just because it's not that hard to walk lighter. But I tell him to walk lighter, and he doesn't. He doesn't know how. So it bugs me. So in my brain, he's walking "wrong." That's the "wrong" way to walk, he's doing it "wrong." So I cannot accept that. It's like he doesn't fit in my world. Not until he walks right. 

And I never thought I was a perfectionist?? :O

My point is that I get so stuck up on little things I can't see anything else. So if I don't want to be a PP, it doesn't mean I have to get out of horses altogether. It doesn't mean I "failed." It just means I can have horses as a hobby and go from there. 

Oftentimes, I don't give things enough of a chance. I'm not giving my little brother the chance to be right, because I'm not accepting him where he is at. It's the exact same with Moose. And ironically, it's the exact same with me. I can do whatever I'd like, whether that involves horses or not. 

Wow that was amazing to get off my chest. I've struggled with that since I got Moose. It was like I signed a contract when I bought him that said "You have to be a PP. You are not allowed to change your mind." And it's funny, because by being so direct-line on my path, I actually got turned off by it. 

It's perfectly ok to go slow. And to decide as I go. I still love horses, that's not a question, but if I'm not a 5* instructor by tomorrow, that's more than ok, that's great! It means I'm on the journey, I'm learning.

And isn't that what Parelli is all about? It's not about the _______, it's about the relationship. It's about the journey. The end result doesn't matter. Because the journey's all there is.

Oh many things to ponder. . . isn't life funny?

I'm Back!

Yes, so I took a mini-vacation from horses. Maybe the past 2 weeks or so, I got really into soccer and started playing and thinking to myself that I wanted to be a soccer star. Well, after this amount of time practicing, my determination ebbed and I realized I have mostly abandoned my poor horse. :(  So it's about time to get back to him. Found out I can't handle 2 passions at once. But that's ok, I was just kidding myself with the soccer thing, it's alright.

So, anyways, went out with Moose today, and things went pretty well. Haltered him up and tried to get him to go over the bridge with me sending him on, and he got really wired up and NOT on the bridge. So I had to convince him to get on, and then we left to go practice our sideways over an obstacle. He still doesn't quite know where his feet are here so this was useful. We mostly focused on these 2 obstacles. Eventually, he went right over the bridge like a champ and I rewarded him heavily when he stepped over the log. He was very extroverted today, but I think we really connected nicely.

The reason I wanted to mention this session is because, other than the fact it's our first play time in a while, I had a realization. When I play with Moose, I'm torn between taking what he tells me deeply and simply as behavior. It's like a stitch in my side, I never quite know what to do wiht it. One day, if he does something silly, I'll for sure say "oh, well my energy must be off" or something but then the next day, I would react with, I dunno, say shutting him down or something. My perspective changes too often, I never know what to think. My head is filled with ideas of horses as sensitive intelligent beings (thanks to Linda Kohanov's book mostly), so I try to remain very aware of that sort of thing. But then that clashes with my Parelli side, which says "if this behavior, then this is how I respond." Now, obviously not in that mechanical of terms, but do you get what I mean? Do I take everything at face value, or assume everything has some deeper meaning? I've been struggling with this question for some time now. It just dawned on me today how confusing that must be for Moose.

Also, I have to admit I feel a bit stuck. Like I'm not sure quite what the next thing I should be doing in our journey with him is. He knows his ABCs but I don't know what else to teach him, really. Not sure how to refine what we've got into something more. Think I've got me some DVDs to watch. :)

But other than that, all's well. I'm still trying to find a job. Only 6 months to save up for this summer! So hopefully I will find one soon.

My Plea to God

"They say bad things happen in threes. . . .


So, please, let my horse have his one good leg!!!"

Not so Super October

The month really hasn't been that bad, I've had a few disappointments and a few very happy moments but today wasn't so great.

On the happy side, yesterday, for the first time ever I rode Moose out of the pasture. And GOD I am not doing that again!!! Haha, I was riding completely bareback and yeoww does his back hurt. He did pretty good though. If he would've walked slower, and at the end he started arguing, then it would've been better, but overall very successful.

I also have impressed myself with my lateral thinking skills recently. I realized why Moose always wants to take me into the stalls while riding(which for safety's sake, he can't, I don't fit under the doorway). I always just attributed it to him being sassy, but as Jessie put this summer, "I've realized he's not arguing. It's just communication!" Funny enough, I never took her seriously at that time. I understood the power of that revelation, but for whatever reason thought it didn't apply to me and Moose! How's that for ego, eh? But yeah, this made me understand it and really apply that. Moose wasn't going into the stalls just because they're comfortable for him, he was going there because I've programmed him to go there. Whenever the session ends, I let him go, and walk to the stalls to put our equipment away. So to him, stalls = end of session. He was just trying to get me off his back. Though, I would much rather he liked me on his back, it is good feedback to know he has a point.

The other lateral thinking thing I've realized is that part of our dominance issues are present on the ground. They are WAY more subtler on the ground, which is why I have trouble, but they're still there. For example, when I let him graze, he walks around wherever he wants and and gets me out of Z2. So when I'm leading him out of the pasture, he thinks he can do the same thing and wlak with me in Z5. Well, confidence is not an issue, so while this is wonderful, it throws his respect for me out the window. So something else to think about.

But yes, so today, we played for quite a while. I played with Bella's saddle as it seems to fit him much better, but unfortunately found out today that wasn't quite what it was made out to be. It slides around horribly, and tips me way forwards. Wasn't quite the nice ride I had intended. But I did get after him about backing up when I go to get on him. 4x I was very firm with him about it, and he licked his lips after every time, so that was definitely a LB issue.

And we did a lot of walk/trot transitions with the saddle on. It went ok. But then I was going to ride so I wanted to know if he could handle a lot of energy so I sent him hard and he bucked in the canter as usual. :( This's going to require some long-term work to fix for sure.

But then when I was riding in the horrible saddle as I said above, I asked him to move his HQ and he just braces against me and doesn't move. So I tapped him on the HQ with the CS, and he leaped forward. I got into the fetal position (which doesn't make me happy to recount), but continued tapping him so we went in a circle. Then I kept ahold of his head so he did lateral flexion. I tried going sideways next (we were against a fence, btw) and asked him to move his HQ again and this time he stuck his head out and made no move to give at all so again I tapped him on the butt, but this time he just ignored it and continued walking so we were out of control basically. I stopped him, but I forget how. Then I just had him sit there as I was being a scared predator so I got off. A scared predator is as bad as an angry predator and I was feeling both at this point.

So, in essence, besides the little things I learned today, I learned 3 main points.

1. I need to be a better leader under saddle. Now, I normally do my little "eek I'm scared, get off!" thing but that isn't working anymore. (Now if it was an emergency, sure, that's an excellent strategy don't get me wrong, but I'm not gaining his respect by taking the easy way out. I'm losing respect. ) So, instead of just quitting, or fighting with him, my other normal response, I have to take the third option. Be the better man. I have to get above him. Basically, I have to not fight with him. If he wants to act like a crazy idiot, I have to allow that and say "great idea! Now let's go!" Because plain and simple, when I ride him, I am not in control. And until he is willing to be a good little obedient horse, I have to go with his idea. That's how I gain the respect. I don't fight but I don't give up either. 
2. The following 2 are really emotional puzzle pieces about me. I found out I don't like rules. I already knew this, but Moose showed me in no uncertain terms with his under saddle behavior. I don't set rules for him. Some horse people out there are very firm, they run things their way, and the horses know that and respect that. They may not like it, but these people aren't always concerned about them liking it. Now, I have a person I'm thinking of that does this, and by the sound of it she's a wonderful horsewoman, don't get me wrong, this isn't necessarily a bad thing. But I don't set rules like that. I don't raise my expectations and then hold him to those. I look out for my horse too much. It's seriously to the point where I'm having to babysit him through riding. I ask him a geometry question. He doesn't understand. So I go back to algebra. He still doesn't understand. So I go back to pre-algebra and am having to re-explain something to him that he should know. And this happens way too frequently. Moose, you already know how to yield your HQ, now I should NOT have to keep reminding you this way. And the fighting too but that will come with the above strategy.

I rarely ever get mad at him. Reading this, you're probably like "huh? Isn't that a good thing?" But I don't mean mad as in hate, or spite. I mean good anger. Like if someone steps over your personal boundaries, you need to assert your space. Ok, not anger then, blame. I don't blame him. I never do. It's never Moose's fault. And this makes everything my fault, so he can get away with anything. While this is a good trait in a way, it hasn't been working towards me recently.

Goin with the Flow

Moose and I made huge strides the past few days. Yesterday I tried Bella's saddle on him and when I cinched it up he blew out. That was incredible. And he normally bucks whenever I cinch him up and I ask him to canter, and today he did like normal, but he didn't pull me, just bucked around in a circle and then stopped to eat. I was super impressed. And then when I sent him the other direction, he cantered perfectly. And we rode for probably an hour today. We went all over our property, across the street, and just around part of the neighborhood really. It was excellent. No brace in me indeed.