SO. . . After my *Cough* 6 week Hiatus

From this blog, no not quite, but from horse life. Yes, I will admit it. I wasn't kidding when I said in my last post that I hadn't played with the horses since the trip. And while that's not exactly true, I mean I did play with them twice, that doesn't exactly count.

I went outside by them yesterday and was stunned into a realization that I've been peeking into for like the past few months. I'm not happy with them. I've betrayed them. I haven't been acting as a friend. I've been using them as a means to an end, exactly the opposite of what I intended upon. I expected to walk outside and cheat, that suddenly upon encountering my presence the horses would just line up like little angels and dance with me perfectly harmonious and in tune. HA!

So I have figured out that not only was I a LITTLE far fetched, I was using Moose as a favorite old teddy bear. You cry on it, it sits there. You're angry, you throw it, but yet you still expect it to love you. And it does, it's a faithful little thing, but it still never gives you anything of itself, because it's more present than you. A total run-on, I understand, but I was cheating them. Both Bella and Moose. I was waving my hand to god, being the little stuck up teacher's pet who says "Hey, well I played with my horses every day for an hour. Can I have an A now?" And then turns around talking to her other classmates and says "How long have YOU played with your horses?" with a toss of her hair and a very high and mighty attitude.

Ok, so that's not exactly me.

But that's about how I came across. I, said "hey, I'm doing the work" and then complained when nothing happened. Well, duh! I was putting in the hours, but the wrong hours. I wasn't learning anything from them. I refused to look myself in the mirror, which is the first thing that had to change. So all that time I put in last year didn't even matter, no wait that's a lie. It's not that it didn't matter, because it did, it pushed me towards the breaking point every day I played. It's just that I could've advanced the same with played monthly as I did daily.

I was lying. And that's what my dilemma was: I was lying to myself, so I was lying to the horses. They tried to show me and I wouldn't listen. And now I have an insane feeling that they've been yelling at me this whole time "hey we need a little help over here!" I think they've been waiting for me to break through, to stand out there and say "This is who I am!" That's why they kept prodding me, they'd comfort me when needed, but they never allowed me to really connect with them because I wasn't connected with myself.

Do you kind of see what I mean? I don't know how to come right out and say this, it's all interconnected. I just have a feeling once I say hey, we can finally start this again.

But I HAVE to have changed from the back-stabbing person I was before to now an understanding friend. I'm not sure if I have or not, but I have this realization at the forefront of my brain now, so at least there's hope for our relationship now if nothing more. I think I'm going to go start over with him tonight. Tell him who I am. Be friends. And then maybe we can set our sights on riding bridleless off into the sunset.

But I'm getting ahead of myself now, aren't I? ;)

Haha, Oops

Yeah, so I'm sorry for not blogging, I just haven't gotten the urge in quite a while. My trip went fabulous, although by now that was like what, 3 weeks ago? 4? Either way, I apologize for keeping you waiting this long.

In all honesty, I haven't played with the horses more than twice since I came home. *Ashamed face* Nah, I'm just kidding. I haven't been wasting the time, I've been writing! I don't know why, but I've just been a write-a-holic recently! I'll talk more later, just a brief update since I've been quite negligent.

And the Trip

Was absolutely incredible. Sorry to be so suspenseful, but I'm just not feeling like divulging details tonight. Got a pic or 2 to put up, and some info to share, but for tonight, be content in knowing I had an incredible time, and have arranged to go back in July, and have quite a bit of homework to do beforehand! So, I'll share more soon.

And It's Time

12 hours until send off. I'll fill you in once I get home. To SD I go!!! Yahoo!

*Bangs Head Against the Wall* (While Smiling)

I had another realization, contrary to the title, this is actually a good thing. I was just putzing around yesterday, petting Bella, and just trying to have fun with the horses. Moose wanted nothing to do with me. He was just standing a ways away, sleeping, not even interested. And IDK why, but it just came to me the reason for some of our troubles. When Moose is in that mood, I usually go halter him up and then go. Noooooo. Not the right thing to do.

See, I had been using the halter as how I got his mind, when in reality I have to get his mind so I can halter. That's why things don't work at liberty, is because he knows he's not wearing the halter, so he doesn't feel he needs to connect to me. Hmm, very interesting.

Definitely something to ponder. Just can't believe I didn't think of it earlier. Hope everyone's relishing the warm weather. I'm just soaking up the sun, it makes me really energized. 3 days until SD!!!! I'll probably post another send-off before I leave. Kudos!

Summer Plans

So, since I haven't yet alluded to my summer plans, now's as good a time as ever.

*Drum roll please*

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I'm going to be a working student for Farrah Green, a 3* Parelli Professional!!!! I've had this officially arranged since February, and will be there sometime this summer. Don't have a clue as to how long, but I'm hoping to have a more specific time set up in 3 weeks, because that's when we're going to be leaving to head to SD to tour the facility and find out more about the place. So, pretty sweet!

Elaborating on Feel

Since it seems this is just on my mind lately, we had another session where I went really slow and things worked out really well. It just knocked my mind out of the water with the power of a plan. I felt like if I showed Moose what I had in mind, and made an effort to help him do it, and really concentrated on what I wanted him to do, he got the idea. He understood my intent. For example, Moose gets a little funny when people stand above him (I think because since he's so tall he's never had anyone really taller than him before), so I decided to stand up on our picnic table, and have him walk along one side of the picnic table, then turn around around a cone, and walk down the same side, and turn around around another cone. It was a very awkward pattern, and I knew it, so it was a test. And Moose passed with flying colors. I felt like he knew what I was asking from the moment I started, just because I was so focused on the pattern.

Also, I read something posted on Mugwump Chronicles a long time ago just recently about horse's walking on a track, and about it being a color and such (I'd link to the old blog post itself, but I don't know what it's called, sorry). Well, I'm not quite sure about it being colored, but I did find out something interesting about it today. I asked Moose to circle around me, and he's gotten in the pattern of doing a few laps, and then stopping. We're just not far enough into the levels to change his mind about this yet, lol. But it's not a big deal. So I sent him out, made sure he knew it was a circle, and then closed my eyes. He stopped right away, so I re-sent him. This time, he walked 3 laps around me calmly without a fuss, and I have to say I think they were the most perfect circles we've ever gotten. "How interesting!" Then, as I opened my eyes to disengage him, he stopped. I was overjoyed! I guess there really is something to this stuff.

Overall, by myself making a conscious effort to slow down and make sure he understands, I feel like Moose is really hooking on better now. I feel like I should go back and read Tom Dorrance's book again now. I think maybe I'd get more out of it this time around.